Picture this: You meet the perfect person, with the entire package. They have the best smile and sense of humor. They’re outgoing, goal-oriented, spontaneous and, let’s face it, just downright smokin’ hot.
You just know you’d be perfect together, and in the beginning, that’s exactly how it feels. Besides making you feel completely adored, they’re wowing you with the coolest dates and texting you nonstop.
You feel like they’re looking at you in all the right ways (and in all the right places). You’re officially on cloud nine and just can’t seem to climb down. It’s simply heaven. And, honestly, it seems way too good to be true. So, is it?
Only time will tell. But if the texts get fewer and further between and you start seeing them less and less, it’s easy to overanalyze — especially when you finally do get them to hang out or text back and they’re distant, not flirtatious or silly, and you’re yearning to keep the conversation alive.
When it comes to romance, the major thing many people continue to overlook is a plain and simple fact: If a person wants to see you, they will put in every effort to make it happen. No last-minute excuses. No “forgetting to answer” texts.
Natalia Juarez, dating expert and breakup coach, previously explained to Elite Daily exactly why these wishy-washy relationships won’t work — especially if your SO occasionally goes MIA. “It comes down to clarity and communication,” she said. “It’s so important to have that Dating Purpose, that list of things you want in a partner and a relationship, to anchor you. Even if you have love, even if you’re compatible, if they don’t want to commit and that’s something you need, then that’s it. It’s done.” You have to honor your own needs in a relationship by not settling for less.
And, yes, that rule still applies — even if the object of your affection is giving you some attention. So if you’re stuck questioning, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” or “Why is she liking my IGs but never asking me to hang out?” the truth is you need to spend less time worrying about someone who isn’t affording you the same consideration. But that’s just one mistake you could be making.
Here are 17 more "don'ts" of dealing with a person who's clearly just not that into you:
1. Don’t Make Excuses For Them.
It can be tempting to make excuses for your SO when they let you down. Whether they ignored your last text or left you hanging on date night, it can be all too easy to run through the list of potential reasons why in your head: Maybe he’s stuck at work. Maybe her phone died. Maybe they fell asleep.
It’s true that any number of possibilities could be keeping them from you, but if this happens on a consistent basis, there’s probably something else going on. Plus, by supplying them with excuses, you aren’t doing yourselves any favors. If there’s a legit reason behind their change in behavior, they’ll let you know. If not, it may be time to move onto someone who won’t leave you questioning things.
2. Don’t Be Naïve.
If your gut is telling you that something is up, you should trust it. When the person you’re seeing is acting out of character, there’s usually a reason behind it — and that reason may be that they just aren’t that interested in you. The truth hurts, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on.
3. Don’t Carry The Text Convo All By Yourself.
If your SO is getting a little lazy about responding, it’s normal to want to overcompensate by filling in the gaps in conversation yourself. But that’s not going to get you anywhere. Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist, explained what communication in a healthy relationship should look like. "It should feel 50/50 but may not actually be a perfectly even split and that's OK,” she said. “It's most important that neither partner feels like they are doing all the work or that the other person is really needy."
Here’s the harsh reality: if they’re not texting or calling you back (or initiating texts/calls on their own), and they don’t have a legitimate reason, they clearly don’t want to. And you deserve someone who does.
4. Don’t Jump To Conclusions.
Don’t let your vision be skewed just because you had an awesome date (or a few awesome dates). Just because you’re interested doesn’t mean they feel the same. And just because you rated your time together as awesome doesn’t mean they did.
5. Don’t Have High Expectations Too Soon.
They may not invite you to hang with their friends. Either they’re not ready or they don’t intend on introducing you to them. Know that if the person you’re seeing is into you, they will be anxious for you to meet the important people in their life.
6. Don’t Spiral.
When you like someone and suspect they might not feel the same way, it can be easy to get ahead of yourself and start to spiral. But don’t give in to that impulse. Before you start leaving him messages or checking her Instagram Stories, take a deep breath. If a person wants to make time for you, they will.
7. Don’t Confuse A Few Dates With Being In An Official Relationship.
Going on a few dates is not a commitment for life. And you shouldn’t want it to be! Dating is the process to see if you click with another person. And if you’re already sensing they’re not interested, that’s a sign you aren’t clicking. So pick your pride off the floor, and get your priorities in line… because your crush obviously has, and they don’t include you.
At the end of the day, you don’t want to date someone who doesn’t want to date you, so why would you want to be in a committed relationship with that person? “The goal is to be exclusive with the right person,” Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City, explained to Elite Daily. “The best way to truly learn about another person is to take the time needed to truly get to know them before making a commitment to them.” If you haven’t hit that milestone yet and things are already turning sour, it might be time to say goodbye.
8. Don’t Mistake A Booty Call For Real Feelings.
If you don’t hear from them during the day but always seem to get a late-night text, don’t think they’re going to want anything serious.
The person booty-calling you does not want a relationship; don’t try to change them. If you do want a serious relationship, moving on frees you up to find someone who actually wants commitment… beyond once a week at 11 p.m.
9. Don’t Settle For Second Best.
You should feel like a priority in your partner’s life. If they rarely make time for you or are always on their phone texting with other people when they actually are with you, it’s a bad sign. Either they’re rude or they’re easily distracted. No matter the reason behind it, you deserve better than that.
10. Don’t Assume You Are Special To Them If You Don’t Feel Special.
If they don’t show much interest in really learning more about you, or if they don’t put thought into some sort of special planning for your time together, they clearly don’t care. Not acceptable.
“Everyone wants (and deserves) to feel loved and feel special, and if [partners] fail to do this... this tells you all you need to know,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, previously told Elite Daily. If your person fails to make you feel that way, look for someone who will.
11. Don’t Travel Down A One-Way Street.
If he texts you every day but doesn't make plans or if she calls you once a week but never has time to see you, then you are not their priority. To be sure, check that you are giving them time to initiate the next date before you jump at inviting them to do something. At that point, if they still don’t match your energy or reciprocate your effort, it’s time to move on.
12. Don’t Hear What You Want To Hear.
If they don’t really talk about doing things together down the road, that’s not a great sign. Pay attention to how they speak to you. Someone telling you, “I want to take you to my favorite restaurant soon,” or, “I got tickets to the Yankees game next month, and you should come with me,” is probably more interested in being with you long-term than someone who avoids any mention of the future. TL;DR: If they see you in their future, you will know it.
13. Don’t Get Too Invested In Their Social Media Early On.
When you like someone, it’s only natural to want to learn more about them — and sometimes, the easiest way to do that is by checking out their social media. But before you hit “follow” or “friend,” take a beat. Lots of people may not be as into Instagram or TikTok as you are. As tempting as it is to find out more about them, sit back a bit and don’t pounce.
14. Don’t Be Blind, But Observe Gently.
Once you are connected on social media, you will see a lot of their business and personal life. Remember: They are entitled to their life, and so are you! Don’t get ahead of yourself by paying too much attention to their social media. Your partner’s IRL persona is more telling than their virtual one.
15. Don’t DTR Until You Get A True Sense Of Who They Are.
By all means, enjoy your time together. Just get to know what they’re like on the inside before you get emotionally or physically attached to the outside. It’s what’s inside that is most important and harder to get to.
According to Conti, it’s probably a good idea to wait one to three months before making your relationship official — and it could take even longer for you to get really serious. Just try to take your time.
16. Don’t Overlook Things Mom Would Notice.
Make sure they are respectful and courteous (letting you know they had a great date, and being gracious to the waitstaff). If they think you are something special, they will treat you that way. And, if they’re worth your time, they’ll show respect to others too. Good manners matter.
17. Don’t Mistake Lust For Love.
If you really pay close attention, you can tell the difference between when a person lusts over you and when they really care about what’s beneath the surface. Obviously, the goal is to have both lust and stronger feelings. But if you’re ultimately looking for love, they need to see the bigger package, too.
This list is not meant to be harsh — just real. Truth is, it’s easy to get wrapped up into an attraction and have impaired judgment. We’ve all been there. These points are to help you think with a clear mind. It’s a normal reaction to make excuses and not think clearly when you are attracted to someone who seems like a good prospect. But avoiding that temptation can save you heartache in the long run.
Listen to that inner voice that says something isn’t right because that voice usually is. You are worth finding a dream person who is 100% on the same page as you. They’re out there, but it will take time to find them. But it will take even longer if you’re spending your time with the wrong person. So if you’re still wondering what to do when he's not into you anymore or questioning how to handle her pulling away all of a sudden, this list can help guide you. Remember, if the perfect person was easy to meet, everyone would be coupled off already.
Natalia Juarez, dating expert and breakup coach
Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist
Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City
Susan Trombetti,matchmakerand CEO ofExclusive Matchmaking
This article was originally published on