Let me guess — when you first started seeing your boo, everything was peaches and cream. You felt crazy giddy anytime they would pop into your head, which was probably all the time. They were responding to all of your text messages with lightning-fast speed and regularly initiating text convos of their own. But as things begin to cool off and settle in, you may have found yourself wondering if it's normal for texting to slow down now that you're an item.
Relax. The good news is, according to online dating coach and profile helper Eric Resnick, the answer is: Yes, it's completely normal and totally healthy. "When you first meet, you don't really know each other. A lot of that early texting has to do with feeling each other out and creating a relationship. Also, you see the person more once they are a part of your life," explains Resnick.
Once you are dating someone exclusively, so many of the things you might text a new flame about have been discussed over the phone or in person, and this is a good thing.
Although every couple is different, when it comes to figuring out if the texting habits between you and your partner are actually healthy, things can get a bit more complex. "For some, [healthy texting practices] means sending a funny meme, or just saying hi. For others, it could be as simple as asking if your partner needs something when you go to the store. And for others, it could be the occasional dirty pic just to keep things spicy," says Resnick.
In my opinion, just like any other means of communication, texting is a quick and easy way to share information. That is not to say that texts won't give away insights about how your boo is feeling — but texts are just a small part of the whole that makes up a solid relationship.
In the early stages of dating, before you've had "the talk," texting can be a good way to tell if things are headed in the right direction. However, once you're actually in the relationship, there should be a bunch of other positive forms of reinforcement to keep a paranoid mind at bay.
It's also important to make sure that expectations of how your partner stays in touch are realistic. "Where [texting] gets unhealthy is when you start getting angry at your partner for not responding quickly enough, and not respecting that we've all got stuff to do and our days can't just be one long text chat," notes Resnick.
You are well within your rights to want to stay in contact with your partner when you're apart. It's just a good idea to keep yourself in check to ensure that things don't escalated into possessiveness, warns Resnick. Dating a needy texter can truly be one of the most smothering things ever. "If you haven't responded to your partner's text and they've started sending follow up texts until you respond (especially if they start getting angrier in tone), this could be a sign that they are insecure and a bit needy," says Resnick.
If you really feel like you aren't getting enough attention from your partner throughout the day, try scheduling a phone call on evenings when you aren't together instead of blowing up their phone with a slew of texts they genuinely don't have the time to answer.
On the other end of the spectrum, if your partner never responds to your texts, then it's understandable why this would seem like cause for concern. Instead of continuing to text them, try casually bringing it up the next time you are together. Partners who care about your feelings will be happy to make reasonable adjustments to their texting habits if it's something that really bothers you.
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