It may be hard to believe, but there are more effective ways of assessing the potential of a new relationship than blindly trusting Hinge’s “Most Compatible” match. I know, I know, shocking. But the truth is that getting to know your potential partner — beyond the small talk and social media stalking – requires more than an algorithm. Specifically, there are certain questions to ask when starting a relationship that can help both you and your partner see your connection more clearly. Not only that, but the answers to these questions can give you valuable insight into what your future might look like if you stay together.
According to experts, long-term relationship success often comes down to communicating your expectations — and addressing any areas where you are not completely aligned. “Knowing what you and your partner's expectations are when it comes to your relationship status, sex, intimacy, and future is the difference between making it and breaking it in a relationship," relationship coaches Diana and Todd Mitchem told Bustle. "When you are in a relationship, you should never assume that your partner wants exactly the same things that you do.”
There’s a simple way to ensure that this convo doesn’t feel like a never-ending interview: Keep things open-ended. “Open-ended questions allow the other person to express their true, authentic self, “ Courtney Tracy, LCSW, PsyD, therapist and relationship expert, told Women’s Health. “It’s a good way to get a sense of who the person really is,” she added.
Even if it does lead to the occasional awkward moment or disagreement, these discussions are worth any temporary tension. Getting these important questions out of the way early on can save you a lot of heartache down the road. For example, imagine you just moved in with your partner and they casually mention that you’ll need to cover all of the bills for the next month. They miscalculated and overspent their paycheck – it’s actually a bad habit they have. You’re shocked, having assumed they were a saver like you. It’s something you never even thought to ask.
If that sounds like a legitimate nightmare to you (same), the following 23 questions to ask when dating may be helpful in assessing your current status with your partner and your potential future — together or apart.
If you had to name your greatest motivation in life, what would it be?
Family? Money? Adventure?
How much alone time do you need?
And what are the signs that you’d like some space to recharge?
How often are you open with your feelings?
Honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
What’s your sense of humor like?
Do you make a lot of dad jokes?
What’s your zodiac sign?
Are we astrologically compatible?
How often do you like to have sex?
Do we have similar sex drives?
Do you have any siblings?
And does your birth order reflect your personality?
How do you prefer to communicate?
Texting? FaceTime? DMs?
What’s your love language?
Mine is acts of service, closely followed by giving gifts.
What’s your dream job?
Do you plan on chasing it, or is it just fun to think about?
What were you like in high school?
Did you prefer tests or papers? Were you a crammer or a planner?
What object can’t you live without?
Go ahead, pick three items you’d take with you on a deserted island.
Regardless of your actual age, do you consider yourself an adult?
Adulting is hard. I’m in my twenties and still feel like a teenager.
What piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Probably not to get that haircut. You know the one.
Do you ever act out of spite?
How two people work through conflict is very important.
How frequently do you bathe or shower?
Hygiene! Is! A! Must!
How do you communicate when you’re upset?
Everybody has different impulses when it comes to communicating negative feelings.
Are you close with your parents?
There’s no right or wrong answer, but the way you talk about the people in you life can be revealing.
What’s your personality type?
Do you know your Myers-Briggs personality type? What about if you’re an introvert or an extrovert?
How do you like to spend your money?
Do you stick to a strict budget, or do you spend as freely as you can?
What does your ideal work-life balance look like?
Finding a balance between energy and rest is important.
Are you a morning person?
I am not a morning person, so you better brew up a pot of coffee.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
... And am I in your vision of the future?
Diana and Todd Mitchem, relationship coaches
Dr. Courtney Tracy, doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker
Editor’s Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily’s staff.
This article was originally published on