We may be growing up in this world, but that doesn't mean our lives are getting any easier. In fact, as we mature into professional ladies, being a fierce female becomes even more puzzling.
These are the questions that constantly circulate in our conversations, our wandering ruminations and our Twitter feeds because there is no true answer.
Here are the 70 “But why's” of female adulthood:
1. ...Is getting to yoga on time more effort than the actual class itself?
2. ...Do we graduate from college with ultimate freedom just to be back working under someone else?
3. ...Haven't we lost any weight from only drinking on the weekends?
4. ...Are bathing suits' exorbitant cost inversely proportional to the amount of fabric used?
5. ...Don't men die for red lipstick, pixies and high-waisted pants like we do?
6. ...Is a box of tampons more costly than a pack of cigarettes? (Well, everywhere else but New York and Hawaii.)
7. ...Do we have to wash our hair?
8. ...Are carbs more addicting than drugs?
9. ...Is self-tanner just not quite as satisfying as the real thing?
10. ...Did “Sex and The City” have to end? And then be ruined by two movies? There will always be a place in our hearts for witty, sexually-charged puns.
11. ...Do H&M sizes run so small and narrow?
12. …Are all the great guys snatched or gay?
13. ...Does sushi taste so decadent, but never fill you up?
14. ...Do we need to purchase wrinkle creams at age 24? (Although, I do have a shady tube in my top drawer and it's quite luxurious.)
15. ...Do we have to pop out the baby? The older we get, the more scared sh*tless we are of childbirth. As a young girl, I never played with baby dolls and there's a good reason for that. What if it's contagious?
16. ...Do high heels make our legs look the best, but our feet hurt the absolute worst?
17. …Does that have to be posted on to social media?
18. ...Does love really stink sometimes?
19. ...Do nails chip the minute after we receive polished manicures?
20. ...Does the bed feel more comfortable when someone else makes it?
21. ...Did we have to get too drunk at the holiday party last year? We're never living down our epic rendition of “Band of Gold.” Especially because there's a blackmailing intern with a video.
22. …Did we have to send that 3 am “what are you up to” text message? Quick, erase all evidence and use what's left of your brain to ink out that memory.
23. ...Am I still hungry? Toss me that bag of pistachios, please. But seriously.
24. ...Doesn't he love us back? Was it the pimple cream?
25. …Is the hippie image of Free People just one big, unattainable illusion?
26. …Does a clear liquid like water have no calories, but a clear liquid like vodka have a ton?
27. ...Do we always lose just one earring? They should really be sold in packs of three! Hint, hint. Hashtag entrepreneurial ideas hashtag.
28. ...Do we speak in hashtags?
29. ...Will John Mayer never know our names? Or for that matter, compose a song devoted entirely to us?
30. …Did we hit “Reply All” with our overly excited response to Taco Tuesday?
31. ...Are overalls and clogs back in style?
32. …Can't we party like we used to? Actually, let us clarify: ...Can't our bodies handle partying like they used to?
33. ...Do we no longer have Spring Break? Or built-in summer vacations? Or just a vacation?
34. ...Does he have to be so, so hot but so, so stupid?
35. ...Can't we recreate the salon blowout on our own?
36. ...Did Adam Brody marry Leighton Meester?
37. …Can we still not afford an apartment on our own, sans roommates, despite working full-time?
38. ...Did we sign up for that grueling workout class after already working?
39. ...Can't we re-wear our work clothes out the next night? Sigh, pencil skirts just don't translate.
40. ...Is my meal over so fast?
41. ...Is everyone on some sort of diet or juice cleanse but us? Are we missing something? Perhaps the extra money to starve ourselves?
42. ...Do we have to choose between blonde or brunette? Enter: ombre.
43. ...Are we still single? And all of our friends have boyfriends? How did this happen?
44. …Can't anyone see how transparent Anne Hathaway is?
45. …Is finding the right-fitting bra so difficult?
46. ...Does consuming too much raw tuna transmit lethal amounts of mercury into our systems? Free the fish, bish!
47. …Has Leo not yet won an Oscar? His good looks alone deserve one.
48. ...Will Uggs never be socially acceptable to wear in public anymore? They're super comfortable and incredibly warm. We're not trying to offend the West Village fashionistas.
49. …Is Miley Cyrus everywhere?
50. …Are top knots so easy to wear, but so difficult to perfectly achieve?
51. ...Do we have to wear tights? Or pants, for that matter.
52. ...Is that awesome girl with that awful, loser-y guy?
53. ...Are people still poking each other on Facebook?
54. …Did we forget to take our birth control... again?
55. …Is mom always right about the temperature outside?
56. ...Aren't men performing romantic gestures like the ones we see in our favorite movies (cough, "Shakespeare in Love," cough)?
57. ...Do jeans with holes cost more money?
58. ...Is it always about sex?
59. ...Did winter last ridiculously long this year?
60. ...Can't this guy just take a hint?
61. ...Are boobs such a big deal? We love them, and now we've moved on from them.
62. ...Is pizza not a food group?
63. …Did we spend the majority of our day on Gchat instead of doing work?
64. ...Do we have the slowest taxi driver in the most rushed situations?
65. ...Didn't we buy our ticket beforehand?
66. …Is swimsuit season already upon us?
67. ...Don't men indulge our traditional, lovey-dovey sides?
68. ...Do we have to shave our legs when it's 20 degrees outside?
69. …Do our grandparents still send us lame chain emails?
70. ...Are we obsessed with reading these entertaining lists all day and then sharing them with our friends?
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