As I spent another lazy Sunday recovering from the weekend’s debauchery like I normally do (hanging out with my friends Bagel and Cream Cheese, spending quality time with my couch, previewing football so I have something to talk about with the guys, attempting a CoreFusion DVD so I have something to be proud of, and other "recreational activities"), I received an interesting text message from a “Brian L.E.S. Bar.”
My initial thought was, “Hmmm, did I do something that I was too blackout to regret?” Just as I began an open investigation into my Saturday night, searching for any clues as to whom this person might be, Brian L.E.S. Bar asked me to drinks for that same Sunday evening.
I wasn’t really feeling it, but I decided to wait before responding too soon. What if by the time 7 pm rolled around, I had exhausted the couch and run out of cream cheese? Maybe I’d be interested in going on a casual drinks date then.
But then I really got to thinking (what else are you supposed to do when you’re hungover, watching boring football and getting high?), there is only one reason a guy would want to go out on a Sunday night: because he didn’t get laid over the weekend.
Boom. I am a freaking genius and my thoughts should be compared to those of Aristotle.
When I suggested meeting on a different night during the week, I was left with no response from Brian L.E.S. Bar., which completely proved my theory – the schmuck clearly only wanted to get it in. He didn't want drinks, he didn't want conversation, he wanted to get laid. (No hard feelings, Brian, I’m glad I was The One you wanted and sorry I wasn’t coherent enough the first time we met.)
Instead of feeling rejected, I was left feeling something else: a little sad for us 20-something women who would genuinely like to go out on a fun date and not feel the pressure to have sex afterwards. Just because we met in a club doesn’t mean I’m down to party in your pants.
Seriously though, why do guys always just want sex? I thought that once I graduated from college, men in the real world would have developed hobbies and interests other than vaginas, but after being here for two years, I have yet to find that dude. It feels as if every date, every shot at the bar, and every casual conversation is deliberately put in place just to end with sex. Since when did we become so obvious?
Sometimes, women just want to go back with a guy and fool around with our clothes on (shocking, I know, for everyone who thinks we’re all just a bunch of sluts and whores); yet, there’s always an underlying excuse we’re compelled to give for keeping it PG. “I have my period;” “I just met you;” “My dad hot-glue gunned my private part closed.”
Why do we say those things instead of the truth? Because years of hearing that guys "get insecure" has trained us not to hurt a man’s ego? Please, not wanting to have you thrust your 215 lbs on top of me and then kick me out of your apartment has nothing to do with your ego.
I would argue that sometimes not going all the way is even sexier than actually doing it. We’re not teases; we just don’t have a penis constantly telling us it’s "go time!" It’s not wrong to want to wait and usually we mean nothing by it – we’re just holding out simply because we feel like it. Newsflash: women are not as complicated as men think we are.
Whatever happened to platonic meet-ups and shared interests? If I want to go see a live band that I know we’d enjoy together, that doesn’t mean I also want to sleep with you afterwards, and you men should be okay with that.
Do guys fill their “girl friend quota” before they leave college, so that they can’t meet any more women in their lives who aren’t down to f*ck them? Perhaps it really is true then, that men and women just can’t be friends (because the boys are too preoccupied with trying to get it in with the girls).
Even more unfortunate is the reverse: men pass on women who they don’t want to have sex with. Intercourse, it seems, is the sole reason a boy will approach a girl and ask for her number – never mind the fact that she might also be exciting, funny or intelligent. I am unashamed to admit that I have gone to many parties where I’ve only spoken to women the entire night because none of the guys were interested in having sex with me.
They couldn’t be bothered to "waste their time" on someone who they didn’t want to have sex with or a girl who didn’t want to have sex with them. To that I say: grow up. Stop thinking with your dicks or else you’re going to end up with a bunch of condoms and nothing to show for it.
I understand that we’re young, we’re having fun, and we’re all trying our best, but getting laid shouldn’t always be the end-game. It’s exhausting having to constantly decipher a guy’s intentions or to fend off unwanted advances when all we did was invite them over to watch “Boardwalk Empire.”
Maybe if sex wasn’t so pre-meditated in men’s minds, it wouldn’t be the topic of conversation. Perhaps I should start including the word “friendly” before offering to catch a movie after work. I’ve even gone so far as to only hang out with guys who are in relationships because we both know the evening is completely casual and intercourse-free. Why can’t men who aren’t in relationships turn on that switch as well?
Since when did “wanting to be social” and “wanting to bang” become synonymous with each other? For the record, I can feel fulfilled with just flirting and meeting new people as I can from actually going all the way. Yet for men, the only way they’re satisfied is if they’ve gotten laid (which is probably why you all have a problem with rejection).
I still haven’t heard back from Brian L.E.S. Bar, and I don’t think I ever will.
Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr