What’s The Most Life-Changing Sex Advice Your Best Friend Has Ever Given You? 13 People Tell All
Behind every good leading lady (or leading person of any gender) is often a totally amazing bestie that can be counted on for laughs, hugs, and life-changing sex advice. From Lorelai and Sookie to Rachel and Monica, to modern favs like Lady Bird and Julie, best friendships are powerful, emotional, and often stand the test of time. Whether you've known your bestie since pre-K, or you became pals later in life, talking about getting it on with your best friends can be a great way to feel more comfortable in your body and your sexuality.
Talk about the serious stuff, like getting tested for STIs and contraceptives, between talking about the sexy stuff, like your likes and dislikes and favorite underwear colors. This is really important, but can feel really intimidating! That's when besties can swoop into save the day. Best friends can create judgment-free space for you to feel your feelings. They often give pretty sage sexy advice. And ultimately, they encourage you to remember how sexy and amazing you are (like Ilana and Abbi.) When best friends talk about sex, they keep it cool and totally positive — because they're the best for a reason.
I asked 13 people about the most life-changing sex advice they got from their best friend, and what they said is honestly super helpful.
1. Shower Power
"That having sex in the shower is the cleanest way to have sex."
— Michelle, 22
2. Be Yourself
"I always focused on having my toes pointed or my back arched. I wanted my body to look sexy during sex. My best friend once told me to try to not focus on how I looked and just be in the feeling of it."
3. Feel Yourself
"Do things that make yourself feel sexy on your own. Don't get your sense of sexy from the person you're seeing."
— Ilana, 21*
4. Call The Shots
"Hearing my friend talk about how she likes to take control when having sex made me really curious to try. I really like calling the shots, it makes me feel super sexy."
— Sara, 20
"My boyfriend and I used to jump into sex without a lot of kissing or touching, and I remember telling a friend about it and her being like, 'Foreplay is the best part!'"
— Maggie, 20*
6. Ask For What You Want
"It's OK to ask for what you want."
— Ameerah, 24
7. Touch Yourself!
"Honestly, I didn't masturbate properly until college. I once tried to ask my high school friends about it and they were super judgmental and thought it was weird. One night, after a party in college, my friends and I were sitting in my bed, and they were talking about how to masturbate in depth, and how they like to teach their friends and feel bad when their friends say they don't do it. It made me feel more comfortable to try it later. Game changer."
8. Have Fun
"Sometimes, the best sex is fun or silly or weird in a good way. When people take it so seriously it's like who are you."
— Georgia, 26*
9. Get Kinky
"In college my friends took me to a play party. I had always been interested in more kinky stuff but didn't know where to begin. Having friends to talk about it with was huge in discovering what I'm into and not feeling ashamed for wanting to explore."
10. Good Vibes
"Buy a vibrator."
11. You're Not Alone
Talking about the bodily parts of sex with my friends. Anything from birth control to period sex to discharge — it's made sex less scary for me, less intimidating.
"One time my friend told me, 'Sometimes, it just isn't gonna happen" and that felt like it took the pressure off it a bit. It was at a time when I was dating a new guy and the night I thought we were going to finally have sex, it didn't happen and I was feeling weird and bad about myself or judgmental of myself. That really helped."
— Constance, 21
13. Be Open
I remember a friend showing me a little bruise on her butt from getting [consensually] spanked and her telling me that she likes it rough. Hearing that was like this big a-ha moment that I don't need to feel bad about asking to be touched how I want to be.
— Abby, 23
When it comes to life-changing sex advice, best friends know where it's at. From encouraging you to ask for what you want, to reminding you it's OK to be silly, best friends want you to be having the best sex you can be, and that is something that stands the test of time.
*Names have been changed