When Your Partner’s Mom Just Won’t Stop Texting You, Try This
Once you've met your partner's mom, it may feel like the hardest part is over, but maintaining a good relationship with them can, at times, feel even trickier than that first, "Hi, nice to meet you." Finding a happy medium between bonding with your partner's mom and not crossing any boundaries can be a tad overwhelming in some situations, like if your partner's mom won't stop texting you. A few texts every once in a while can be sweet and comforting, especially when you know bae's mom is in your corner. But when she starts texting you all the time, it can feel like a lot to handle. So, if she's become the person who texts you the most, and you're not sure what to do, fret not — it's definitely manageable.
How you approach this topic with your partner and their mom depends on the relationship you have with both of them, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Grant H. Brenner tells Elite Daily. "If you have a good relationship with her, speak with your partner, get their input on what to do, and if possible, have a chat with the mom about it," he says. You may feel like you have to continue texting her, but Brenner recommends that you don't — especially because you don't want to come across as irritated, and there's a chance you might if you continue to reply when you don't want to.
If you're starting to feel really annoyed with your partner's mom because she's texting you all the time, that's perfectly understandable. It doesn't, by any means, reflect how you feel about her as a person or as your significant other's mom. To counter your frustration about your new texting buddy, Brenner suggests trying to put yourself in her shoes. "Take a minute to imagine your partner's mother's point of view," he says. "It may make more sense if you can begin to empathize with her." Doing this allows you to have a more sincere conversation with mommy dearest, if that's what you choose to do.
When you're ready to sit down with bae's mom to talk about the constant texting, it's important to remember that, "She needs to know you care before she cares what you know," Brenner says. Tell her how you feel about her and her child. Open up about how happy your partner makes you and how happy you are she raised them the way she did. If she knows you care about her and about her child, she may take the conversation better than if you go in, guns blazing, and harshly tell her that her texts are overwhelming you.
In general, you should approach the conversation in a non-accusatory way, Brenner says. "Find out what she thinks and where she is coming from," he suggests. "Failure to establish a connection and a shared context with room for many points of view is one of the main causes for misunderstanding and inadvertently hurt feelings." If you want to try to relay the message in a subtle way, when your partner's mom texts you, call her back and say something like, "Oh, I just called you because I don't like to use texts this way," and hope she gets the hint, Brenner recommends. If you want to be more upfront about it, be straight and to the point. Tell her you appreciate the great relationship the two of you have but that you'd like to limit your texts with each other a bit.
While the idea of sitting down with your partner's mom and telling her she's texting you too much may seem really scary, it doesn't have to be. She may not realize she's texting you that often, and simply hearing it from you could be all that she needs to step back a little. Or maybe, she's just lonely, misses her child, and feels closer to them by talking to you, considering you're probably a big part of their life. Either way, communication is key. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. You never know, it may be a step toward a better relationship with her moving forward.