An Expert Reveals If It's Ever OK To Bring Up Your Relationship Fears Over Text
I am hands-down one of texting's biggest advocates. If it were solely up to me, I'd only talk to my boyfriend through text, proclaim my love for him through text, argue with him through text, and even discuss my deepest fears through text. Texting seems easier because you have more time to get the perfect words out. But, are there certain conversations you should have in person? Is it OK to text about your relationship fears? How about your needs not being met? Or if you want some space from bae? As much as I wish all conversations could take place via text, I know that some things are better discussed face-to-face.
One of the main issues with texting, especially when it comes to a topic like relationship fears, is that you can't see the way a person reacts to what you're telling them. "Text is not a vehicle for serious conversations," Erika Ettin, founder and CEO of A Little Nudge, tells Elite Daily. "Over text, while it gives you time to think about your responses (a benefit), it also can't show body language, emotion, and tone (all negatives)." If you're confiding your greatest relationship fears in someone, wouldn't you want to see their reaction?
Another issue you may encounter if you text your partner about everything is that you may write a text in a particular tone and they may interpret it another way entirely. What if you're trying to make a joke, but your partner misses the sarcasm in your text and gets offended? "Things can be misconstrued over text and blown out of proportion," Ettin warns.
My ex and I had the majority of our arguments through text, and there were countless times when one or both of us had to clarify what we meant so that it wasn't misunderstood by the other. My current boyfriend and I hardly argue through text. He thinks that when it comes to sore topics like the ones that lead to fights, it's better to talk about them in person, where we can read each other's emotions and not spend hours going in circles saying the same things. And it kind of makes sense. We spend less time arguing, and then we can ~make up~ after, if you catch my drift.
If you still want to talk about your relationship fears through text, ask yourself why. If you simply prefer writing things out instead of talking them out, that's one thing. But, "if you're afraid to have a serious, in-person talk with your partner about relationship fears, then that leads to bigger questions about the relationship itself. Why are you scared?" Ettin asks. "Do you not feel safe expressing yourself? Do you think your partner will put you down?"
If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then there are more important conversations to be had. "These are all serious concerns," she says. Your relationship should feel like a safe space, where you can say what you're feeling and who you're feeling it about, without fear that your partner won't respond well. If your partner puts you down about the things you confide in them about, it may be time to talk to them and explain that you feel like they're not taking you seriously.
The next time you feel overwhelmed by one of your relationship fears, consider talking to your partner about it in person. As tempting as texting them may be, talking about it face-to-face may help you gauge what your partner is feeling in response, and it may help your partner get a better idea of what you're feeling, specifically. Plus, there is no room for misinterpretation. After all, "the best communication is in person," Ettin says.