Intense sexual chemistry is one of those things that separates good connections from amazing ones. Even though it might not be the single most important aspect of a relationship, there's no denying that it can play a big role in the sexual satisfaction of two people. How to know if you have sexual chemistry with someone is luckily not that hard to figure out. Unfortunately, Hollywood and porn have set some super-sized and oftentimes unrealistic expectations when it comes to what sexual chemistry looks like and how it works. Thankfully, experts on the subject are setting the record straight on what it means to have sexual chemistry and how you can tell if it's there.
“Some people are matches from the onset, and others take time to develop sexual chemistry,” Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast told Elite Daily. “In general, great lovers are made — not born. Almost anyone can learn to perform a specific technique, talk in a tone or language that turns you on or approach you in a way that excites you.”
So now that we know that sexual chemistry isn't always there from the beginning and that this doesn't necessarily mean it can't be developed, here are some ways you can tell if things are on fire, or if there is a bit more work to be done.
According to Dr. O’Reilly, one of the most important aspects of sexual chemistry is having a partner that is willing to put in the effort it takes to pleasure you.
"I believe it’s a matter of effort," said Dr. O’Reilly. "If your partner isn’t willing to make changes, learn and consider your requests, you’re likely incompatible.”
If the chemistry in the bedroom is great then chances are you'll both be thinking about each other a lot. "When you’re really attracted to someone you can’t stop thinking about being with them," relationship expert April Masini told Elite Daily. "You daydream about being with them, you fantasize about being with them and you plan what you want to do when you’re not with them. This is a sign you have great chemistry together."
If staying focused is tough and all you can think about is the steaminess from last night, then it's safe to assume you've probably got some good sexual chemistry with your partner.
Sometimes analyzing sexual chemistry isn't just about what's going on in the bedroom, but also how you relate to one another outside of it.
"When you find yourselves holding hands, kissing, caressing — without even realizing it — it’s because you’ve got great chemistry. This is a sign that you’re not just drawn to each other, but that you really want to be connected, physically, at all times," explained Masini.
Even though sexual chemistry can feel like this mysterious and unexplainable force that's either there or not, the truth is that it's much less complicated and elusive than you might think, according to Dr. O’Reilly. If you want to improve your sexual chemistry with someone, then the most important and effective tool is communication.
“Sex is not that complicated," said Dr. O’Reilly. "We’ve made it complicated by limiting the ways in which we communicate our sexual needs.”
So, if you have needs that your partner(s) could be fulfilling in a more satisfying way, then the best thing you can do is to let them know in a calm and non-accusatory way. And don't fret if you're vibing with someone in other ways but the sex could use some improvement. They may just need some time to learn what your preferences are and you might need to be a bit more outspoken about what you want. Time and communication are key here. Sit your partner down and have a conversation! A good partner will want to make sure you're happy and satisfied in your relationship. If that's something that you want too, talking to them is your best bet.
