How To Tell Your Partner What You Want In Bed, According To 7 People Who’ve Been There
Remember the days when everyone was a mind reader and could pleasure their sexual partners without uttering a word, or really even trying? Yeah no, me neither. Sure, once in a while, we'll get lucky and end up in bed with someone who just gets it, making further communication about what turns us on unnecessary at the moment. But more often than not, having amazing sex on a regular basis requires solid communication. The thing is, knowing how to tell your partner what you want in bed can be much easier said than done for some people. It's nothing to feel weird about! Maybe you're worried about hurting their feelings, or you feel uncomfortable about talking about sex in general.
Everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to discussing the specifics of physical intimacy with their partners. If the sex you're having is leaving something to be desired, the good news is that figuring out what's missing can actually be really fun. Exploring your sexual fantasies with your SO can be a great way to bond and ensure the sex you're having is at maximum hotness. It may feel awkward in the beginning, but finding a way to communicate your desires is the first step on the road to having a satisfying sex life. Here are some tips on how to tell your partner what you're craving between the sheets, from people who've struggled with it, but have ~cum~ out successful on the other side.
1Be as specific as possible.
It’s your responsibility to tell a person you’re having sex with what you want. Tell him specifically what you want at each moment. “I might want to have sex. Why don’t you kiss my neck and try to turn me on?” “Let’s stop for a minute so we can pull back and you won’t come so fast.” Do this every time unless he starts (and keeps) doing what makes you feel good every time. And you might have to keep reminding him. If he won’t pleasure you and balks about being asked, he’s too immature for a romantic relationship and it’s time to leave him.
Almost every post can be boiled down to confidence and communication. Everyone likes something different. The key to good sex is knowing, and be willing to do, what your partner likes. They aren't likely to be able to guess what you like right away. It's much easier if you tell them. If it's really a problem then you might not have the right partner.
Almost to the exclusion of all others, there's one big mistake that a person can make in bed. Not communicating. When you're with a new partner communication can be difficult (one night stands even more so), but if you're developing or in a relationship with someone, I cannot emphasize how critical communicating your wants and needs is.
If you want your sex life to deliver exactly what you want, you've got to be willing to tell your partner exactly what that is.
2Feel free to show them what you want, rather than just telling.
I can't read your mind. Tell me what works, what doesn't, and what you like. Grab my hand and say "do this".
3Don't be subtle.
Your first mistake is not wanting to be explicit. Be forward, guys like that.
You can't expect him to decipher some convoluted combination of subtle hints. He might but not until long after you're both frustrated.
4Don't worry about ruining the moment.
And telling me what to do, how to do it, what you like and where you want it is never going to ruin the moment or "break my momentum". I love when women tell me what they want so I know I am doing things right.
5If being direct in person feels too intense, try sexting.
if you can't communicate your desires to someone face to face, start by sexting. So many people are more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than they are talking about it.
As you can see, most people agree that communication is super important when it comes to sex. If you've tried being open with your partner about what you want in bed, and they aren't comfortable trying it out, then consider seeking help outside the bedroom. "Humans are teachable, and they need to also have partners who are patient, are willing to explain, or show the way (non-verbally) when needed," Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist (DHS, MA, BA) and founder of Eros Coaching told Elite Daily. She continued, "If all else fails, send them to a sexologist like me for some Skype coaching."
Everyone deserves to be in a relationship where their sexual needs are being met. Don't ever be ashamed to go after what you want, what you need, and what you deserve.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!