You might think that being a good romantic partner means you have to go through a lot of big relationships first, and sure, sometimes that's true — but honestly, there are some ways that being single makes you a better partner, too. Just like dating — and sometimes, getting your heart broken — can teach you so many lessons about both love and yourself, so can all the time you've spent being single. And even if you're at a point in your life where you're actively ready to couple up, there's value in singledom.
For one thing, being single for a while means that you get to spend a lot of time focusing on just yourself — and dedicating time to being your best self, not to mention, figuring out what you want and what you deserve. All of those things lead you to not only seek out romantic partners who will actually fulfill the things you're looking for, but to be the kind of partner you'd hope to find, too. Plus, maintaining your independence while you're in a relationship is super important, and being single for a long time pretty much makes you a pro at that.
If you need more proof, here are six ways that being perpetually single can make you a better partner.
Being single most of the time means that you have a lot of time to yourself — and you probably spend that time really getting to know who you are. You know what you like, what you don't like, and how you want to spend your time whether you're in a relationship or not. And between your own past relationships and watching your friends date, you get a pretty good idea of what you want (and don't want) in a partner. So when it comes to finding someone to date, you seek out people whose goals and preferences align with yours. Basically, you know yourself so well that you have a better shot at finding a partner who's as good a fit for you as you are for them, and that's definitely a win.
All that time getting to know yourself also means that you're also most likely pretty confident in who you are — and along with that, you know what you deserve in a relationship. You are perfectly fine and happy being on your own as it is, so you're not going to settle for just anyone. You're holding out for someone who suits you and who treats you like the awesome, self-assured person that you are — and you're not going to bother with anyone who doesn't. You like who you are, and you know that it's just not going to work out with anyone who doesn't feel the same way.
Because you're so confident in yourself and what you deserve, you've also learned that that's the kind of person you want to be with, too. You want someone to love you as you are, to be willing to grow with you, to respect you, and to treat you with kindness and thoughtfulness, so you do your best to be that same kind of partner for anyone you end up with. You value yourself, and you want the people you love to value themselves, too. It's about being with someone who gives you what you need and deserve, and being the partner they need and deserve in turn.
Spending a lot of your time in singledom means that you have spent a lot of time becoming an independent person, and you probably really value your alone time, right? Your independence is something you know you will never sacrifice for anyone or anything, not even when you're in a long-term relationship. (And rightfully so, because no loving partner would expect you to give it up!) That makes you a great partner, because expecting to have your own independence respected means that you're more than willing to respect your partner's independence, too. You know how important having alone time and time to do things outside of your relationship is, so you set the precedent for both of you.
When you're in a relationship, your partner is obviously a big part of your support system in life. But, your partner should never be the only support system you have — just like you shouldn't be their only source of support. When you rely solely on your partner (or vice versa) for emotional support, it's easy for them to get burnt out, and that can have a negative impact on your relationship. But, since you've spent a lot of your single time really cultivating your friendships, you already have a support system outside of your partner — and you seek romantic partners who have the same.
You know that, in order for a relationship to be successful, you have to make your partner a priority in your life and include and consider them when you make major life decisions. But, being perpetually single has taught you that whether you're with someone or not, you have to put yourself first. Why? Because you can't be a good partner unless you take care of yourself and prioritize your health and happiness over everything else.
That's not to say that you can't be a good partner while you're still working on or struggling with things like self-love and mental health — you absolutely can. In fact, working on those things and finding ways to help yourself means you are putting yourself first. And by putting yourself first, you're making sure that you're the best version of yourself for you and for the people who love you, and you encourage the people you love — partner included — to do the same.
The point is, becoming a good partner doesn't just come from having a lot of dating experience — a lot of it comes from getting to know yourself. When you know who you are, what you want, what you deserve, and how to put yourself first, you have all the makings of being a good partner — no matter how long you've been single.
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