If you tend to be the receiving partner, vaginally or anally, there are loads of reasons to be on top in bed. Whether you're giving a hearty yeehaw to reverse cowgirl (hello, roleplay!) or experimenting with furniture and f*cking, being on top can mean more satisfaction all around. It can give you a better angle to be receive pleasure. Or, being on top can provide a better angle to give it, especially if you're riding your partner in a mischievous, teasing way.
Most on-top positions allow for one partner to be penetrated, with both partners' erogenous zones — nipples, chest, stomach, back, thighs — accessible for teasing. You can even add in a sex toy to make the pleasure that much more profound. Overall, it's a way to give and receive in heightened, ultra-intense way.
While getting on top in bed can be nerve-wracking or even uncomfortable, it doesn't have to be. When trying it with a partner, have them lay down flat on their back and gently straddle them. Make sure you're upright and that your knees are on each side of their body. It's A-OK to take their strap-on or penis, and guide it inside you. (Lube is 100% recommended, if the angle isn't super comfortable in the moment, or hasn't been in the past.) The rest is about finding your rhythm on top.
Here are just a few reasons why it's so sensational to graduate from missionary to being on top.
If you're the receiving partner, sometimes it feels better to be penetrated from below. Maybe hopping on your partner's strap-on or d*ck from above means an angle that's just right for an orgasm.
Or maybe you enjoy receiving oral by sitting on your partner's face. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin told Bustle, face-sitting is "unbelievably sexy and empowering" — it's both very intense and intimate. Whether it's a reverse cowgirl or a 69 situation, being on top is an understandable way to maximize your pleasure.
Of course, your love of being on top could come from a desire to be dominant in bed. Sometimes, this is stems from the fact that you're laid back or perfectly fine with letting someone else lead in other areas of your life. Or maybe you're always the submissive one in bed, and are in the mood to turn the tables.
When speaking on dominance and submission in bed, sex therapist Hannah Green told Bustle, "A person has a lot of different parts. Usually, only certain parts are forefront — people tend to stay with a certain polarity. The picture of wellness is actually to have access to a wide range of those parts.” Sex can be a healthy way to access and explore them.
Generally, whoever has the d*ck or the strap-on is in charge. But being on top as the receiving partner, you reverse those roles. You can take it a step further by (consensually) bossing your partner, tying them up and riding them, or dominating them in other ways.
If your sex life consists of a pretty even "sexy-to-sweet" ratio, being on top can be nice because you get to see your partner's face. Unlike millennial favorite doggy style, an on-top sex position like the "seated lotus" or even regular cowgirl gives you all the benefits of being face-to-face with your partner.
Lotus and cowgirl both have lots of spicy potential (nipple play, dirty talk, etc) as well as tender potential (telling your partner that you love them). No matter what, you get the satisfaction of watching your partner react to all the enjoyable things you're doing during sex. It's a win-win.
Sex can be a fantastic way of re-connecting with a partner, especially if you haven't seen them in awhile. Intimate positions like these are a great start.
Yes, I'm talking about astrology. If you have any Aries, Leo, or Virgo placements in your birth chart — your sun sign, your rising sign (which affects how you're perceived/your personality), or your Venus sign (which affects how and what you love) — is one of the three, then you probably like being on top.
If you've got Aries in your chart, you're direct and you know what you want. Aries love to dominate.
Meanwhile, Leos love being on top because they enjoy being the center of attention. As a confident sign that lives for drama, Leos relish any opportunity to put on a show for their partner would really get them going.
And lastly Virgos would love being on top because they'd get the chance to order their partner around in bed — whether that's asking the penetrative partner to play with their clit, change their angle, penetrate their anus as well, and so on. The power of being on top would go to a Virgo's head as well as loins.
And lastly, there's an aspect to being on top that's exciting whether your submissive or dominant, a water sign or a fire sign, regardless of sexual priority or preference: You get to set the pace.
If your partner is focused on giving you pleasure in this position, how fast you go is all up to you. Likewise, if your partner has a penis and you'd like to tease them, how slow you go is up to. There's so much power in getting to set the pace.
Being in charge for dominance's sake, having a sweet-but-sensual moment with your partner, or just focusing your own pleasure are all valid, sexy reasons to want to be on top.
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