4 Things You Should Know About Your Crush Before Making It Official, According To Experts
The beginning stages of any crush are often all fun and games. You're getting to know someone for the first time. It's light-hearted, flirty, and refreshing. It's like when you'd find a new toy as a child and forget about all your other toys for the time being. But this time around, you haven't gotten tired of your new toy yet, and you want to put it on your top shelf — so to speak. But before you take that step, there are a few things you should know about your crush before making it official to ensure that you're not going into a new relationship blind.
"The problem with a crush is that love is blind, and more to the point, the early stages of love, passion, lust, and so on, typically puts blinders on us," Grant H. Brenner, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, tells Elite Daily. "We get tunnel vision when we are falling in love. So, the main thing to do if you are thinking of taking the relationship into official territory is to take a step back and really get to know who this person is." You want to make sure you know what you're signing up for and who you're signing up with.
I spoke to a few experts, and here's what they think you should know before you make it official with your new crush.
1. Their Firsts
Everyone remembers their first crush, their first kiss, their first love, their first heartbreak, their first ~time~. Whether they were with the boy next door or the girl you sat next to in class, there's something about your first of anything that makes it memorable, even if it's just to look back at and laugh. "If you’re telling somebody, not so much what your favorite color is, but who was that crush you had, who was your first love, they’re really telling you something, and investing in you," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily. "It allows them to tell you something about them that’s not the normal, 'Hey, my name is Joe, and I work at the bank, and I went to this school.'"
2. Their Family Dynamic
Learning about your crush's family life can give you a little bit of insight into their childhood. Your crush may not want to open up completely about their family when your relationship is still new, and if that's the case, it's OK. They'll open up to you when they're ready. But, if they have no problem talking to you about their family, then you'll "find out more about that person and their life and their history," Trombetti points out. "It makes somebody open up in a nontraditional way," which can be refreshing for both of you.
3. Their Skeletons
When you're getting to know someone, it's easy for them to leave out their skeletons — the things from their past that they're not very proud of. But you deserve to know what you're getting into. "Find out if they have any skeletons in their closet — do they have a history of relationships which end badly, are they chronically unfaithful to partners? What are they like to deal with on a day-to-day basis? Have they ever lived with someone? How did that go?" Brenner says. "Assume the best. Don't be suspicious to the point of ruining a good thing, but don't be a mark for a narcissist or an abuser, and don't be another casualty in [a] string of well-intentioned but dysfunctional relationships."
4. What they ultimately want.
The most important thing you need to know before getting into a relationship with someone is whether or not you both want the same things, board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman tells Elite Daily. "You need to know if you have the same goals for the relationship. Do you both want something serious? Or does one or both of you want a casual fling? You need the answers so that you don't regret your decision to make it official," she says. "If you can't get your partner to tell you what kind of relationship they are looking for, then it may be a sign that you shouldn't move forward with the relationship yet." They may not know what they want, which is fine, but if you do know what you want, you deserve someone who does too.
When taking all of these things you should know about your crush into consideration, remember: There's no rush. "Don't be in a hurry to make it official," Dr. Edelman says. "You need time to figure out whether your crush can be trusted, unless you're okay with a microwave romance. What's a microwave romance? It's one that moves at lightning speed... and usually explodes in your face. Good relationships take time to develop. Rushing it often doesn't work out very well."
Don't hesitate to find out what you think you should know about your crush before making it official. You deserve to know the things that could affect you if you get into a serious relationship with this new person. "You are contemplating making yourself vulnerable, so don't be shy about your own self-interest — but again don't be so wary that you undermine the crush with suspicion. It's a delicate balance," Brenner points out. "Enjoy romance and spontaneity and get a toe in the waters of reason at the same time."
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