4 Things You Should Do After A Breakup, Because It Can Be So Hard To Deal
If there is ever a time to treat yourself, it's definitely after a breakup. The gut-wrenching pain of separating your life from someone else's can be enough to send many people into a rather intense wtf is this happening to me slump. Even if you knew the relationship wasn't meant to last forever, coming to terms with it ending can be extremely difficult. The things you should do after a breakup can include just about anything that makes you feel better and isn't destructive. When you're in the midst of picking up the pieces, it is so important to give yourself some extra TLC, in order to make up for the fact that your mourning an intense loss.
Working through the breakup blues oftentimes means that you're going to be doing some seriously draining emotional labor. During times like this, it can be so helpful to remember to go easy on yourself. In my experience, if you're willing to tackle your feelings head on, heartbreak can also bring with it the opportunity for personal growth. Chances are, you'll also have more free time — so why not devote this time to becoming your best self instead of letting your sadness get the best of you? Here are some productive tips to help you get through a breakup.
1. Get the closure you need.
"Getting closure means getting clear about what the questions are that you want answered, and then working toward getting those answers and determining what role your partner played in this relationship, and what role you played," behavior and relationship expert Dr. Patrick Wanis, Ph.D. told Elite Daily.
Even though this might not sound like "a treat," before you move on it is so vital that you work through your feelings about what happened. IMO, trying to fast-forward past getting closure can make moving on take so much longer.
According to Dr. Wanis, it's also important to realize that getting closure doesn't always come from your partner, sometimes it's a shift that has to happen inside of you.
"For most, closure occurs from a psychological perspective," said Dr. Wanis.
Thankfully, closure doesn't just include battling your residual emotions, it also refers to self-care.
"Come from a 360 approach," recommended Dr. Wanis. "Look at your patterns. Are you eating healthy, or are you abusing your body? Are you sleeping well, are you exercising, are you engaging in mindful practices such as yoga and meditation?"
2. Work towards being happy on your own.
After having your heart broken, it can be easy to want to attribute all of your unhappiness to the fact that you're no longer in that relationship. According to Dr. Wanis, by doing this you are giving that connection way too much power.
"You're giving all of your power and all of your happiness away to this person," said Dr. Wanis. "You're saying, 'this is the only person that can fulfill me.'"
The truth is that your relationship with yourself is the most important connection to foster, and now you will finally have the time to make that relationship a priority. That is worth celebrating!
3. Find some new hobbies.
Although the attachments we form to our partners can feel forever-binding, according to Dr. Edison de Mello, MD, PhD, Board Certified Integrative Medicine Physician and Founder/Medical Director of the Akasha Center and ActivatedYou — rewiring the brain might not be as hard as you think.
"Through Brain MRIs, we know that neural connections can be rewritten. That is one of the reasons why, for most of us, the feelings of crazy love...do pass," Dr. Mello told Elite Daily. "Encouraging your brain to rewire itself a bit faster by focusing on other activities, hobbies, distractions, or even a new, never-tried-before activity can be extremely helpful." So sign up for that painting class you've always regretted not taking, join an intramural soccer league, or finally audition at the local playhouse you always pass on your way to work. Distracting your mind might turn into a newfound passion!
4. Enjoy being single.
We've all likely experienced the grass is greener phenomena — when you're in a relationship, you might miss certain freedoms of being single and when you're single, you may long for the comfort of a relationship. Why not at least try to embrace that fact that you are getting the chance to meet new people, one of which might be an even better match for you than your ex?
Rushing into a new relationship might not be the best idea, but there's nothing wrong with jumping into the dating pool as soon as you feel ready.
“If you feel yourself needing a partner to fill that void you miss, then you are not ready," expert and matchmaker Nora DeKeyser of Three Day Rule, told Elite Daily. "If you feel self-sufficient, happy, emotionally aware, and excited for the unknown to come, you are ready."
If you're coping with a recent breakup, then there's probably not much anyone can say or do to instantaneously take away the pain you are feeling. Let's face it: Breakups are hard AF. That said, after you've gotten over the initial shock and allow yourself to wallow, try your very best to see your newfound singledom as an opportunity to widen your horizons and get to know new people — including yourself.
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