4 Red Flags Your Partner Isn’t All In, Because You Deserve More
There's nothing quite like the pain of falling for someone, only to realize they aren't nearly as committed to the relationship as you are. If you suspect this could be the case with the person you're seeing, it may be time to start looking for the red flags your partner isn’t all in. Although analyzing a partner's behavior can be stressful, you owe it to yourself to figure out where they stand sooner rather than later. According to matchmaking and dating expert Stef Safran, if you haven't spoken about a long-term commitment yet, it's important not to assume that things will end up getting super serious between you, no matter how hard that might be.
"Dating is just that, ‘dating,'" Safran previously told Elite Daily. "It does not mean that you are in it for the long haul. You need to not assume that everyone you start dating will turn into a commitment or something long-term.” While you're in the process of figuring out where your partner stands, it's also important to decide how you feel about this relationship being a part of your future. "Start by outlining what you want and need," relationship expert and online life coach at Blush Brittaney Young previously told Elite Daily. "Remember, if you don't have a plan for you, you'll wind up waiting around for someone else to fit you into theirs."
If your relationship feels like it's stalling, Young recommended reclaiming your power and deciding if wishy-washy behavior is something that fits into your vision for the future. If you're not sure whether someone you're dating sees a future with you, and they give you the runaround when you try to talk to them about it, here are some signs your gut instinct is right.
1. They start pulling back.
"When some [people] start feeling like a relationship is starting to get a little more real than they were expecting, it's not uncommon for them to pull back, become a little more distant, and start doing things like taking longer to return calls or texts," dating coach Eric Resnick previously told Elite Daily. Anyone who's been on the receiving end of this shift in consistency knows how frustrating and confusing it can be. There's nothing wrong with having doubts, but if the person you're dating can't communicate them directly, it might be time to ask yourself if they're truly someone you want to be with.
2. They make plans last minute.
Sure, a little spontaneity can be fun. However, if your bae regularly makes plans to hang with you on the fly, this might not bode well for the future. “Last-minute plans show a lack of desire and more of an impulse desire to see you," Safran explained. "If you can't get them to commit to anything in advance, it may be because they want to see their other options first.”
If you've already established that you're exclusive, they could also just be waiting to hear back on potential plans with their crew. Either way, being kept on the back burner in any capacity isn't cool.
3. You haven't met their friends and family.
"When a partner's not looking for commitment, they'll make excuses for not introducing you to their friends and family," NYC-based relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily. "Remember: Getting into your partner's inner circle means you're a priority and are considered an important part of their lives." If you've yet to meet the people close to them, it's probably safe to assume they aren't committed — even if they've led you to believe that things could move in that direction.
4. They don't follow through on making future plans.
Talking about the future can be a sign someone is open to commitment, but it's important to make sure they're not just telling you what you want to hear. "They may lure you in with dreamy images of a fantastic life together that includes vacations, adventure, and excitement," said Winter. "But, you'll notice that no actual plans are made. This keeps conversations of this type in fantasy land, rather than reality."
Once you've established that your partner might not be in the same mindset that you are, it's up to you to decide how to proceed. If you're in a relationship that's been going on for a while, Young recommended discussing your expectations with your partner and then giving yourself a personal deadline. If they aren't able to give you the commitment you're looking for by that deadline, then it might be time to walk away.
"The reason for setting a deadline is for accountability," Young said. "If we don't set a time frame, we may find ourselves sitting around for years... and years... and years on end waiting on results."
Ultimately, only you can decide if and how long you're willing to wait for your partner to get on the same page as you. And the truth is that there's no "right" or "wrong" answer. If you're satisfied with your current relationship and not super concerned with the future, there's nothing wrong with waiting to see how things develop. In the end, you know what's best for you.