It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for three months or three years — the fact is, there's always more to learn about your partner. Sure, you may already know all about their passion for pho, their deep-rooted fear of thunderstorms, and how they got that scar on their knee, but it's important to continually keep that getting-to-know-you process going. Don’t know where to start? Luckily, there are a ton of questions to ask your partner to spark deep conversations and boost your intimacy almost instantly.
Think back to that first string of dates with your current SO. Remember how hungry you were for new information about each other? As you begin to get comfortable in a relationship, it takes a little effort to reignite that curiosity that was so abundant during the honeymoon phase. One way to stir it up naturally is to pursue new experiences, like trying a totally different workout or type of cuisine, exploring a new destination, or taking a class to learn a new skill together. Another way to get closer via curiosity is to ask the right questions. Of course, you can never go wrong with a playful round of "would you rather..." but if you're looking to go deeper, there are certain questions that seem to offer valuable insight into your partner's personality, dreams, fears, goals, and desires.
Whether you're still in the early stages of getting to know your new boo, you feel like you and your long-term SO have been out of sync lately and need to reconnect, or you're simply eager to increase the intimacy in your already happy and healthy relationship, here are a handful of questions to bust out on your next date night, trip, or casual hang.
1. What's the scariest thing you've ever done?
2. If you could master just one skill with a snap of your finger, what would it be?
3. What does your perfect day look like, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep?
4. What's your favorite thing about our relationship?
5. What are the three things you're most thankful for right now?
6. Of all the dates we've been on, which was your favorite and why?
7. What's the best advice someone ever gave you?
8. What's one thing I could do to make your life better right now?
9. If you could swap jobs with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?
10. If a crystal ball could tell you anything about your future, what would you want to know?
11. What are you most looking forward to in your life right now?
12. What would you say is your biggest life regret at this point?
13. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
14. What's the one rule you have for yourself that you never break?
15. What do you wish we did more of together?
16. Where would you go if we could win two round-trip tickets right this minute?
17. What's one new experience you'd love to try with me?
18. What's the one thing that you consider absolutely unforgivable?
19. What makes you more angry than anything else?
20. What is the biggest challenge you're struggling with right now?
21. Of all the couples you've ever known, who would you say has the best relationship and why?
22. If you could give advice to your younger self, what would it be?
23. What's the one thing that keeps you up at night?
24. What's the biggest lie you ever told?
25. If you didn't have to work for a living, what would you be doing with your time?
26. What do I do or say that makes you feel the most loved?
27. Who's the friend that "gets" you the most, and why do you feel that way?
28. What's the best gift you ever received and why?
29. Did you ever have a recurring nightmare, and if so, what was it?
30. What do you most want to be remembered for after you're gone?
Remember — this is just a list to get you started. Feel free to tweak these questions to fit your unique relationship, or better yet, use them as jumping-off point for even deeper questions. To keep gradually building your intimacy over time, consider making a ritual out of asking each other a new question every day or at the end of every week. However you choose to incorporate these questions into your relationship, I can promise you this: As long as you remain curious and open-minded about your partner's inner world, you're sure to keep that mysterious spark alive.