The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Getting Comfortable In A Relationship

by Mai Vang

When you first start getting to know someone, it’s exciting.

You laugh to fill the awkward silence and to keep him or her interested.

You act nicer and more cordial than you normally would to leave a better impression.

You actually put on a pair of jeans to go out, instead of sweats.

Then, you start officially dating.

It's so much fun to learn about the person you’re potentially giving your heart to.

The honeymoon stage hits you hard.

You learn some of his or her weird dislikes, such as going to sleep with socks on or eating cereal with water.

You learn the things he or she likes and what you have in common.

It’s exhilarating. Your heart is pounding every time he or she looks at you. You forget how to breathe when you're together.

Every moment just feels right. It's like nothing could get between the two of you.

A few months go by, and well, the heart-pounding kisses start to become average.

The butterflies begin to fade, and you remember how to breathe.

A year rolls around, and you're probably getting pretty comfortable with one another.

You're probably used to using the bathroom with your SO still in it.

You probably know how much syrup he or she puts on his or her waffles or how he or she likes his or her coffee.

After all, it's been a year.

When you get comfortable with being with someone for so long, there are some good and bad things that happen in your relationship:

1. You're not nice anymore.

The Bad

You're passed the "Yes, that looks good on you, I swear" niceties, and you've entered the "No, that shirt doesn't look good on you" phase.

You're so comfortable that you're okay with being a total assh*le to one another.

This includes those harsh comments like, "Wow, you're really annoying me right now," or jokes about weird habits, like "Seriously? Why can't you just take your socks off? The blanket covers your feet just fine!"

You don't think about how the other person will feel about your comments like you used to.

Though it may seem like your SO isn't affected by it, he or she most definitely is.

The Good

This leaves you two to be completely vulnerable and honest with one another.

Instead of worrying about how the other person will feel, you expect him or her to be open to listening to you.

You can have conversations about the things that bother you.

Maybe your significant other doesn’t help enough with cleaning your shared space, or he or she doesn't make time for you.

These are things you're more comfortable bringing up now.

It’s important to have this level of trust and honesty to keep your relationship healthy and happy.

2. Your secrets are out.

The Bad

Now that you’ve been dating for a year or more, you’re perfectly fine with your significant other watching you wax your upper lip.

You used to be so grossed out at the idea of you both being in the bathroom at the same time (one on the toilet, the other at the sink), but now you’re like, “Whatever.”

You don’t really groom yourself much anymore, either. Your face is way more hairy than usual, or your hair is extra prickly.

But, you absolutely don't care.

The Good

Your significant other adores you for all you are. He or she adores every real inch of you.

You don’t have to impress him or her anymore, except on special occasions.

You have grown to appreciate each other, regardless of hairy legs and hairy faces.

3. You don't care as much.

The Bad

We've all been here.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"I don't care. What about you?"

"I don't care."

So, it goes back and forth until you either settle on GrubHub or starve and go to bed angry.

I bet when you first started dating, you wanted to try so many places you'd never gone before because you didn't have anyone to go with.

Now, those places have been explored, and your list is done.

You don't care what you do or where you go, as long as one of you makes a decision, which usually takes a lot of frustration and work.

The Good

You have your go-to spots.

For food, you both know a place that has a lot of options and that is usually good for when you can't decide what you want to eat.

For activities, you both tend to settle on a night in with Netflix when you don't know whether you should go out or not.

For anything, really, you have your go-to things you both can agree on when you can't agree at all.

4. You stop doing small things together.

The Bad

There is no more cuddling until you fall asleep, no more holding hands in public and no more photos together.

Isn't that weird?

It's so odd how one day, you both woke up and were fine without all of that.

PDA is so overrated anyway, am I right?

But remember when you used to smile really big when your hand was suddenly grasped by a perfectly made-for-you hand?

Remember when forehead kisses were treasured?

Ah, forehead kisses.

The thing about being together for a while is you don't have the same urge to show off anymore.

The Good

Having this happen can actually be positive.

You and your significant other will probably find yourselves laughing at other couples for doing it, and you'll roll your eyes like, "Ugh, another picture? Ew."

But of course, this also leads you to treasure these small moments.

Cuddling to an episode of your favorite show on a Saturday night together doesn't happen often, but when it does, it feels just like it did when you first started dating.

5. You’re perfectly fine without him or her.

The Bad

You’re independent and fine without him or her by your side. You go to the park alone, go to the store alone and go out with your friends alone.

You don’t mind not having him or her there. In fact, it might even be a relief.

You could be stressed or feel annoyed by having him or her around all the time.

You’re somewhat happy when you have some time alone.

The Good

No matter what you do, where you go or with whom you go, it’s never the same without your love.

You’ll think about him or her when you’re at the mall, wondering if he or she would like a certain shirt.

No matter how annoyed you are with him or her, at the end of the day, this person is your home.

This person is where you want to be. You’ll grow tired of being apart, and you'll enjoy being back by his or her side.

We all need some time to ourselves every now and then, anyway.

Sometimes, it's such a wonderful feeling to see him or her in your bed, waiting for you to fill the empty side.

Getting comfortable has gained a bad rep over the years because we live in a day and age where we’re too good to “catch feelings.”

But, getting comfortable with someone isn’t always bad, as long as you never stop trying.

Never stop missing him or her, never stop taking photos together (no matter how annoying you may find it after a while) and never stop doing things together.

If you both can do that, getting comfortable is a once-in-a-lifetime feeling you'll never trade for anything.