When Is The Honeymoon Phase Over? 2 Experts Weigh In
Ah, the honeymoon phase: a time when you've just fallen in love with someone new and life seems like it couldn't be better. Your new bae can do no wrong, and you feel like the luckiest person in the world. But of course, if past relationships have taught us anything, it's that sooner or later reality is bound to come charging in, shattering our rose-colored glasses. If you're seeing someone new and wondering, "When is the honeymoon phase over?" the short answer is that it totally varies from relationship to relationship. Some relationships burn super bright only to cool down that much quicker, while others build slowly and manage to sustain the passion for a bit longer.
Transitioning out of the honeymoon phase of any relationship can be a bit troubling at first, and it's easy to be left feeling v confused. In the beginning you could barely manage to be in their presence for five minutes without ripping each other's clothes off, but now you're only having sex every other time you see each other. All of a sudden, the drive to be agreeable and chill has been replaced with a sense of annoyance when things don't work out how you would've liked them to. While this dampening of the initial excitement can feel like a bit of a bummer, the truth is that it's a completely normal part of every relationship. Elite Daily spoke with relationship expert Monica Parikh, of School of Love NYC, and dating coach Damona Hoffman to find out when it's normal for things to start cooling off.
Three Months Is The Average
According to Parikh, the honeymoon phase typically starts to come to an end at about the three-month mark of being a couple. Now, you might be thinking, "But it's only been three months! Why is my SO low-key starting to get on my nerves?" It's probably just because you're both finally starting to get an accurate picture of one another.
And while it's easy to think we are always being 100 percent ourselves from the get-go, the truth is that most of us know how to work our assets and down-play our shortcomings.
"During [the honeymoon phase], everyone is on their best behavior and a bit fraudulent," Parikh tells Elite Daily. "For example, you may pretend to love his mother, although she keeps shooting you the evil eye," meanwhile, "he pretends to love yoga and kale-and-apple smoothies."
Although this might make it sound like you were both being dishonest, early on in new relationships is a time when we naturally want to focus on the similarities between us and our partners, so it's totally normal to not harp on the fact that as a vegan you don't particularly agree with your meat-eating partner!
But It Could Be Longer Or Shorter Depending On The Relationship
Hoffman believes the honeymoon phase decline can happen anywhere between one month and one year down the line.
“It’s essentially when the realities of the relationship kick in and you have to plan for the future, organize budgets, and handle conflicts that were brushed aside in the honeymoon phase,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily.
But don’t worry if you've noticed that things between you and bae have been on the fritz lately, as this is totally something that can be worked through.
“In courtship, we often make compromises and align our needs and interests more closely with our partner, but when the honeymoon phase is over, couples often return to their individual baseline again,” says Hoffman.
So that explains why they were totally down to turn up with your crew every weekend, but are now trying to slow down a bit.
Taking it upon ourselves to easily adjust to our partner’s needs may have felt effortless in the beginning, but after the honeymoon phase, it may take more of a conscious effort to make sure both of you are getting your needs met.
Since you both know each other better post-honeymoon phase, it’s hopefully a bit easier to be open about organizing practical matters and addressing sources of conflict.
Oftentimes, the test of a relationship's staying power is what goes down after most of the fuzzy feelings have worn off. While it may definitely take more compromise than you had originally thought, if you can manage to put in mutual effort, be understanding, and keep feeding the connection, there’s no reason why your relationship can’t continue to evolve into something different, but equally awesome.
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