So, Drake and Jennifer Lopez are a Thing, with a capital "T."
I mean, they were totally seen kissing at the prom. I heard they were even... *lowers voice* ... grinding.
(To clarify, it was a prom-themed party, probably for the upcoming release of a new Drake and JLo collab. But the high school setting works surprisingly well for the level of immature teen drama Drake is trying to pull right now.)
Look. We all know Drake is head over heels for Rihanna.
Just a few months ago, he confessed on live TV he's been "in love" with Rihanna for most of his life.
Watch any video of them together. Look at any picture. RiRi has that man under her pinky finger.
But the sad truth* for Drake is, Rihanna doesn't return his love — not with the same intensity with which he loves her, anyhow.
(*By which I mean my own assumptions that I've projected onto people I've never met and really know nothing about. You know, that "truth.")
Of course Rihanna does love Drake, in a way. After all their history together, how could she not?
But don't forget the look on Rih's face when Drake tried to go for the kiss on the VMAs stage.
Rihanna doesn't want to get tied down to one man, exchange heartfelt vows every night or dedicate her songs to how good Drake is at sex.
And let's be real — Drake wants all of those things.
They just weren't on the some page. So they broke up.
Almost immediately after that, Drake started hardcore flirting with other ladies. There was India Love. Then there was Taylor Swift.
Now there's JLo, and Drake's really going all out this time, with the cuddly Instagrams and prom photos and the slow dancing and the kisses.
Yeah. He's definitely trying to make RiRi jelly.
Which — and almost everyone agrees with me on on this one — is a massively bad plan.
Drake tried it. He really did.
But he forgot one very important detail.
RiRi doesn't get jealous.
She's Rihanna, bro!
Did ya forget what happened at the VMAs?
Aubrey was never the most important person in that relationship.
And making out with JLo's not going to change that.
And don't even start with me about how Rihanna unfollowed JLo on Twitter. Yeah, Rihanna's mad — because Drizzy and JLo are trying to disrespect her. Not because she wants Drake for herself.
Please. Rih's already moved on to cozying up to royalty.
Better luck next time, buddy.