Sexual fantasies come in all shapes and sizes. If you’ve ever wondered what men fantasize about, you’re definitely not alone. Movies, TV shows and pornography might give you the impression that the majority of men have the same kinds of sexual fantasies. While Princess Leia costumes, naughty schoolgirl role-play, and FFM threesomes might be cultural norms shown to us as the most common male fantasy, the idea that all men are into the same things in the bedroom is far from true. Just like women and non-binary people, men can be interested in exploring all kinds of sexual fantasies, from kink to scenarios some might consider “vanilla.”
For his book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science Of Sexual Desire And How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., social psychologist and Research Fellow at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, conducted an extensive 369-question survey about sexual fantasies. Over 4,000 Americans of all different backgrounds and sexual orientations between the ages of 18 to 87 participated. He found that most of the men’s fantasies included emotional elements, like the feeling of being desired, reports The Wall Street Journal. They also included specific people, taboo topics like voyeurism and fetishes, and gender-bending scenarios, like cross-dressing.
Whether you want to surprise your partner in the bedroom, or you're simply curious about what actually goes on inside their mind but you’re not ready to ask, or if you’re wondering what guys fantasize about when they like a girl, knowing the sexual scenarios most men secretly fantasize about can be eye-opening. It can also serve as hot inspo for ways you can experiment during sex. As long as you're both (or all) consenting adults, anything goes. Develop your own ideas, too, and soon you’ll have your own answers for what to say when a guy asks you what your fantasy is.
Elite Daily sourced quotes from Reddit and spoke to guys in their 20s who provided a range of answers to this common question. While some men had similar fantasies, others shared some seriously unique ideas. Their ideal situations range from totally plausible (bondage and threesomes), to highly unlikely (sex in space). Here's what 12 guys had to say about their hidden sexual desires.
It’s clear the fantasies had by the men above definitely have range, which makes it difficult to assume your partner has the same ones. Ultimately, everyone is different. The best way to truly know what fantasies they indulge in when you’re not around is to ask them. Let them know you care about their good time, and that you want to learn more about what turns them on. Don’t be afraid to share some of your own fantasies, too. “Being vulnerable might encourage your partner to do the same,” wrote Gigi Engle, author and certified sex coach and educator, for SELF. You never know. Your conversation might result in the best sex of your life, and a more honest and open relationship. Win/win.
*Name has been changed.
Additional reporting by Veronica Lopez.
Lehmiller, Justin J. (2020). Tell Me What You Want: The Science Of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, Da Capo Lifelong Books
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute
“New Research Delves Into Sexual Fantasies,” The Wall Street Journal