When you're in a relationship, it's easy to lose track of the time you spend with your partner. Whether you're sleeping over at their place all the time, or taking way too many work-from-home days to spend hours in bed with them, it can feel like time doesn't even exist anymore. But when you’re spending too much time together, you can let other parts of your life go by the wayside, which isn’t healthy for anyone. If you suspect you’re spending too much time with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, then there are certain signs you’ll start to notice.
Of course, what may feel like “too” much time together for one couple may work for another. It all depends on the dynamic you have with your boo. “It's important to note that 'too much time' can look different from relationship to relationship," Kali Rogers, CEO and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Elite Daily. "Some people are simply more extroverted than others, some become codependent too quickly, and others simply don't know how to create appropriate boundaries. So while in one relationship, seeing each other every day is typical and just fine, in others that would be way too much too soon."
According to Rogers, if two partners have "adequate boundaries, resilience, and interdependence,” then they can spend all the time together in the world and still be able to maintain a healthy relationship. "There are plenty of couples who work together, live together, and have a family together — and arbitrarily saying that dynamic is unhealthy is short-sighted,” she says. “The key to determining if too much time is a bad sign is to measure the amount of time couples spend arguing together, and how they feel once they do get some separation. If couples feel lost, unstable, or depressed when apart, that's a sign of codependency."
So really, the best way to determine if you are spending too much time together is to spend some time apart. Can you handle it? If so, you're probably good, as Rogers says. If not, it might be time to address the issue. Here are just a few signs you and your boo may need to work some independent time into your routine.
You Have Nothing New To Say
Feeling comfortable with silence when you’re together is one of the hallmarks of a great relationship. But if you and your SO truly have nothing new to tell each other (because you experience everything new together), then this could be a sign you need some space. As Dr. Binita Amin, a clinical psychologist, previously told Elite Daily, "Comfortable silences can be healthy, but if you are going out to dinner and have nothing to talk about or are staying within safe and predictable confines, this is a flag."
You Stop Making An Effort
When you spend too much time with someone, romance stops being natural and starts to feel totally unnecessary. If you no longer feel any motivation to keep the spark alive, then Cherlyn Chong — a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women — previously told Elite Daily that’s a sign you’re spending a bit too much time with your love. “No more hand-holding, no light touches on the back, no gifts and important dates like anniversaries start to get forgotten. This happens when you just don't feel like it, so you don't put the effort into keeping the connection alive,” she said.
You Abandon Hobbies & Interests
Though you may have once participated in activities without your SO, it’s possible you’ll give up those interests if only to spend more time with your partner. As licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson previously told Elite Daily, when “you have stopped engaging in hobbies that you once really enjoyed [because] your partner does not see their value,” then that’s usually a sign that you’re losing your sense of self in your relationship. “It is good to have things that are just yours and to remember that your partner was attracted to you when you had your own life, [so] it should be OK to have things outside of your relationship,” she added.
You Don’t Make Plans With Friends & Family
Do you cancel plans with friends and family so you can spend time with your love instead? Then you may just be spending too much time together. According to relationship expert and dating coach James Preece, “Neglecting your family and friends is never a good idea, but it can happen if you make your partner the priority.” You may even end up losing friends if you ditch them too often to see your partner instead, which can lead to resentment.
You Spend All Your Free Time With Them
Spending time with a partner should always be a choice, not an obligation. If you’ve come to expect that your and your boo will spend all free time together, then this prevents the two of you from having space for yourself or to be with your own friends. As Rogers previously told Elite Daily, “Having your own autonomy is so critical to not only your overall happiness, but for your relationship's, as well. Being able to enjoy your own private moments with friends and family is essential to having your own identity and maintaining your independence while also in a relationship.”
When you and your SO spend too much time together, you may find yourself in a codependent relationship, which presents a whole different set of issues. "The reason that time can sometimes contribute to the toxicity of a relationship typically stems from codependency," Rogers explains. "Instead of tapping into one's own resilience to combat daily problems, they lean too heavily on someone else for support or solutions. This creates excess strain on the relationship, and a toxic cycle can develop quickly. People become the worst version of themselves and don't have enough separation in order to gain perspective."
However, spending tons of time with your boo doesn’t necessarily lead to codependency, as long as you have the tools to maintain your own independence and keep your relationship feeling fresh. Rather than looking at how much time you spend with your partner, try reflecting on how your partner makes you feel. Rogers suggests asking yourself questions like, “How do you feel when you are apart? Are you a better person in this relationship?” As she explains, “Focus on those questions instead of the amount of minutes you two are together, and I believe you will have clearer answers about the state of your relationship."
As long as you and your partner are able to thrive on your own as well as with each other, then there’s no such thing as spending too much time together.
Kali Rogers, CEO and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching
Dr. Binita Amin, clinical psychologist
Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup recovery coach
Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist
James Preece, relationship expert and dating coach
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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