In honor of International Women's Day, it's time to be your BOSSIEST self.
I obviously want you to be bossy in all arenas of life, but I think heterosexual relationships really give you a rare opportunity to assert your dominance over men.
So LET'S FREAKING DO IT. Take this day to show your BAE who's boss. (You! You are boss!)
Having trouble thinking of ways to assert your dominance? Don't worry! I've got you covered with these super awesome ideas.
Check out this list of 20 ways to show your boyfriend who's boss.
1. Steal all the covers and make him sleep naked, cold and alone on the other side of the bed.
2. Make HIM shave HIS legs.
3. Make HIM wax HIS balls.
4. Make him go down on you and don't return the favor.
Make him go down on you and don't return the favor.
5. Make him DD you and your friends around town while you have a girls' night.
6. Don't respond for hours on end, not on purpose, but because you're too busy doing OTHER THINGS.
7. Peg him.
8. Blue ball him regularly.
9. Always choose where you go to dinner... especially on his birthday.
10. Pay for dinner.
11. ALWAYS be on top.
12. Give him a quarterly performance review.
13. Tell him he's on probation if he does something to annoy you.
14. Text him first. Call him first. And, if he DARES to initiate conversation, ignore him. Make it clear he can only speak when spoken to.
Text him first. Call him first. And, if he DARES to initiate conversation, ignore him.
15. Save money on a house cleaner by making him do all of your chores.
16. Fire him and replace him with a new hire when you're over him.
17. If you don't get over him, give him a promotion by proposing to him.
18. Work with scientists to figure out a way to make men carry babies and make them do the first trial on him.
19. Be the big spoon.
20. Make him smear ketchup in his boxers for every day you menstruate.
OK, in case you're a big fat loser who can't take a joke, I obviously don't actually think you should make your boyfriend smear ketchup in his boxers while you menstruate.
But, honestly, I'm not opposed to the whole make him carry your babies thing. If that ever becomes a possibility, SIGN ME UP.