I’m not gonna lie, if I could have it my way, we ladies would be entitled to everything on this list -- which is exactly the kind of logic that led me to write this.
Like, we know it’s technically not okay to hashtag everything, but who really cares in the name of social media? And what about spending a ridiculous amount of money on a dress that you’ll wear once? We’ll call it an “investment piece” when it’s time to pay.
There’s a fine line between using our sense of entitlement to justify innocuous behaviors and using it to brush off any borderline obnoxious conduct. It’s kind of like telling an off-color joke: We’re only allowed to do it under certain circumstances.
Because as much as I would love for us to be able to take our heels off in a club and free ball it, there’s just some things we aren’t entitled to in this world.
…But then again, who would we be if we didn’t shake things up once in a while?
Here are the differences between what every girl is entitled to and what she's not entitled to. Let’s rattle them a bit, shall we?
1. Neglecting to wash our hair: Entitled
Here’s the deal: It’s not dirty until it looks like Christian Bale’s slick back and even then, you can slap on a beanie and we’ll all be none the wiser. Something we curly-haired sisters know a thing or two about is that not all hair is created equal and thus, must be cared for differently. Say it with me slowly: Work - your - buns.
2. Whipping your phone out at dinner: Not Entitled
The adorable puppies and inspirational quotes can wait -- you’ve got your own #foodporn visual coming shortly. For the moment, you have the company of a real, live person! He or she is probably someone you follow on your mobile, too, so it’s kind of like dining with a celebrity when you think about it.
3. Crying at really bad television: Entitled
“The Biggest Loser” needs to be nominated for Best Drama this year because it makes me more emotional than Taylor Swift before her period. You are absolutely allowed to form a deep, personal connection with whatever you choose. No one -- seriously, no one -- will take "The OC’s" Ryan Atwood from us.
4. Crossing the street whenever we feel like it: Not Entitled
When we blatantly ignore the street signs and continue on our merry way, traffic gets the green light to run us over. Especially if you live in a walk-up or recently bought great shoes, you’re playing with fire.
5. Chipped nails: Entitled
Unless you’re working in a strictly professional setting, chipped nails are perfectly acceptable and nothing to be scrutinized for. I actually like the way they look on short nails -- really completes the grunge-punk trend, don’t you think?
Anyone who tells you differently has a major chip some place else...
6. Telling the truth because it’s the truth: Not Entitled
If you have to justify a nasty or harsh comment with "it’s the truth," chances are you shouldn’t have said it. While it’s a well-known fact that Katherine Heigl is a huge twat, unfortunately, we aren’t allowed to call her that…
But what the hay! We just did! Oooh, we bad.
7. Contraceptives: Entitled
If you want to protect yourself from the small, icky contagions that are spread through genitals, commonly referred to as "children," then you have every right. Safeguarding your body from STDs doesn’t suck, either.
8. Clogging the drain with your hair and not cleaning it: Not Entitled
In the event that you actually do wash your hair, it’s important for basic daily functioning that you remove all excess shedding from the drain. It’s the new bend and snap.
9. Breast implants: Entitled
This is one debate I think contemporary women can finally put to rest. Altering your appearance for your own happiness is a personal decision. Whatever you choose to do with your body, remember that it’s yours and you only have one. Other than that, I’ve always lived by the motto: "Go LARG or go home."
10. Using the “you’re the man” excuse when it’s convenient: Not Entitled
Sure, we’d love to let him pay the check and still cause a fuss when he orders for us -- but alas, it’s just not right. What is right, however, is taking gender out of the situation and sticking to rules that apply to everyone. Asking him to kill the mouse because you’re afraid of it is very different than asking him because he’s the guy and that’s what guys do. Same goes for initiating dates and carrying shopping bags. If he does it to be romantic, though, then all bets are off.
11. Cursing: Entitled
Cursing is like wearing skirts without underwear: It’s not something I’m proud of, but I support it anyway when the time calls for it. In 2014, women can say whatever cusses they f*cking want. Don’t be such a cunt about it.
12. Chewing gum loudly: Not Entitled
It’s so rude and so annoying that you almost deserve to be hit by that oncoming car we spoke about in #4. Keep popping your gum and you’ll be popped in the face.
13. Listening to Jewel, Selena, The Dixie Chicks: Entitled
Whatever genre of music gets you grooving is totally up to you. I grew up with a mom who loved Big Boi and a dad who loved the Spice Girls and we all turned out okay.
14. Holding onto grudges: Not Entitled
Although I’m a firm believer that people don’t change, they just become more of themselves, I also believe that complaining someone wronged you so many years ago is futile. Maybe you won’t ever trust this person, but at some point, you’ve got to move on. Harboring negativity doesn’t behoove you.
...Except that girl who ruined your favorite t-shirt exactly two and three-quarter years ago. That was a tough loss.
15. Eating a bacon onion cheeseburger with extra crispy fries and chipotle mayo: Entitled
That sounds ‘effin delicious. Good call.
16. Being perennially late: Not Entitled
Want to know why we’re beasting the Candy Crush game? Because we’re keeping busy waiting for all you egregiously late people!
Pretend it’s your period and don’t be late.
17. Emitting bodily functions without being judged: Entitled
If only celebrity women would stop making PSAs about banning words like "bossy" and instead focus on the real issue: our ability to sh*t without shame! Why is it that the only place we feel comfortable is in the illusory privacy of the ladies’ locker room?
Ladies, do your business in the bathroom. It’s time we stopped causing such a stink about it.
18. Telling your boyfriend he can’t watch porn: Not Entitled
It’s like if he told you that you can’t online shop. Soon, you lose touch with what it’s actually like to do it in person and it’s become so routine we don’t even know what we’re doing is bad. Then, next thing you know, we’re staying up late at night, drooling over the screen and ordering coffee tables for apartments we don’t have.
But uh, we don’t have a problem or anything...
19. Spending 30 minutes in the bathroom together: Entitled
Duty calls sometimes. By this, we mean adjusting our outfits, re-applying all necessary cosmetics, freshening up, fixing our hair, sending a quick text, snapping a selfie, making friends with the attendant and maybe having a fast cry depending on our alcohol intake. Time flies when you’re having fun.
20. Having sex on your period without a warning: Not Entitled
If he thinks you’re trying to pull a fast one and soldiers on in, well then, don’t be surprised if it’s a bloody battle...
21. Sharing someone else’s nude selfie: (Not) Entitled
Isn’t that what they are for?
Now, sharing this article on the other hand…