Growing up, you may have imagined what your wedding day would be like. You thought about the colorful bouquets of flowers that would line the aisle, and the song you'd dance to with your significant other for the very first time. You dreamed about the sparkling lights that would hang from the ceiling at the venue, and all the romantic moments like reciting your vows and saying, "I do." In addition, you got excited for the other weddings you'd likely attend as an adult, where you'd stand next to your bestie as they found their happily ever after. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out
exactly as you planned. Keep your head up, OK? When you aren't asked to be a bridesmaid, the struggle can be very real — but I'm determined to find the bright side.
First things first, though: I want you to know that your feelings are valid. You might be a bit disappointed and frustrated. If I were in your shoes, I would put on some old Taylor Swift music, treat myself to some cookie dough ice cream, and take a deep breath. Then, I'd focus on all the beautiful things to come on my BFF's wedding day, and the ways I can support them just the same.
Truth is, you don't
have to be a bridesmaid to be there for your friend when they get married. You just have to find the bright side of these five struggles. 01
You Don't Take Pictures With The Wedding Party
Being a bridesmaid comes with many duties. You have to make sure the bride is prepared to spend forever with the love of her life. You need to double check that she's written her vows, picked out the flowers for her bouquet, and tested out her hair and makeup in advance. You also need to pose for a
ton of pictures with the wedding party, including the candid ones.
I don't know about you, but that sounds exhausting. Sure, it would be sweet to be in the official photos from your friend's big day. But, not being a bridesmaid and taking pictures with the rest of the bridal crew means that your smile gets a break. It means you can head straight for the snacks at the cocktail hour after the ceremony, and document the reception on your own Instagram stories.
The very best part? It means you don't have to worry about coming up with a bunch of
clever captions for dancing or falling in love, or a place in your feed for those wedding pics. 02
You Don't Get Your Hair And Makeup Done
On the day of the wedding, the bridesmaids typically get ready with the bride. They retreat to a suite in a dreamy hotel, where a hairdresser and makeup artist have their brushes and palettes set up. From there, they spend the next hour or so getting pampered and prepped.
You'd really love to be treated to the facials, manicures, and hair styling that they do. But, look on the bright side: Not being a bridesmaid means you get to choose your own look and host your very own spa day. The wedding party may be trying to match their nails, or sport the same long curls, but you get to recreate the hairstyles you've been saving on Pinterest.
You are also able to get ready on your own time. So, if you want to shower and then lay in bed in a cozy towel for a bit — well, you totally can.
You Sit With Other Friends And Family Members
Simply put, weddings bring people together. They give you the chance to meet friends and family members you wouldn't have otherwise, all in the name of love. If nothing else,
that's something to celebrate on your friend's wedding day — even if sitting with second cousins and co-workers feels a little awkward at first.
You'll find your table, introduce yourself, and start asking the typical icebreaker questions like, "What do you do for a living?" and, "Where are you from?" Everybody will respond, though, and the conversation will eventually get rolling. Then, the music and dancing will start, and all the pressure of social interaction will be off.
You'll dance the night away and make so many memories, despite not being a bridesmaid. After all, the bride knows you have the best moves, and really wouldn't want to break it down with anyone else.
You Don't Make A Toast Or Speech
In my opinion, toasts and speeches are the best parts of weddings. I love listening to people talk about the ones they love, and watching their faces light up over inside jokes and memories. The maid-of-honor always blushes, and the best man always gets a good laugh from the crowd.
If you were a bridesmaid, you would probably have to make one of those toasts or speeches. But, not being a bridesmaid means you get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. You get to see people's reactions as your friend's wedding party talks about the beautiful things about her, and proudly nod when they say something you would've said.
You don't have to worry about coming up with those words yourself. Phew! That would've been
so stressful. 05
You Might Not Get A Perfect View Of The Ceremony
Last but not least, not being a bridesmaid means you might not get the most perfect view of your friend's ceremony. You're not standing right next to the bride, as she recites her vows and slips on her ring. So, it's sort of inevitable.
Once again, I'd dare you to look at the bright side of this situation: You don't have to stand. You don't have to balance in a pair of heels in front of a crowd of people. You don't have to casually smile for the pictures that are going to be taken, as the couple exchanges loving looks.
It may seem like a small and insignificant way to validate not being a bridesmaid, but it counts — and makes the struggles you're dealing with seem not so bad.