Tell them what you like aaaand what you don't like. Don't be afraid to talk dirty. Get familiar with your own body. Incorporate toys into your bedroom repertoire. Know that porn isn't an accurate reflection of what IRL sex is really like. Spend some time on foreplay. Trust your partner. Indulge in your fantasies. Keep it new and exciting. People are always giving out tips about what to do to improve your sex life, but where are the tips on what not to do during sex? Where are the moves we should be steering clear of to ensure the best possible sexual experience? Well, ask no further, because they're right here!
Relationship company, Match, just released the findings from their eighth annual Singles in America Study — the largest annual survey of over 5,000 single U.S. residents in the entire country. Amongst many other things, the study found what makes for good sex... and what doesn't. “Americans are having long overdue conversations about people’s diverse sexual lives, respect, pleasure, and consent,” says Dr. Justin Garcia, gender studies endowed professor and research scientist at the Kinsey Institute and Scientific Advisor to Match, in a press release.
So let's start with negative. What are the biggest no-nos during sex? Communication may be a pivotal component of good sex, but a large majority of respondents (82 percent) believe that too much talking is a real mood-killer. Right after that is not having any passion. A little less than three quarters — 74 percent — agree that passionless sex is another bedroom no-no. This is followed by barely moving (63 percent) and being a bad kisser (62 percent).
But don't write a partner off completely just because of one subpar (consensual) sex experience. While 14 percent of the respondents in the survey said that having bad sex for the first time is a deal breaker for them, the larger majority of singles agree that good sex is something that develops by sleeping with someone a few times. That being said, if your first time was less-than-great, you better hope that your partner was a dude, because women are 70 percent more likely not to tolerate bad sex than men are.
Now that we've covered the negative stuff, let's talk about the positive. Dr. Garcia explains, "Singles of all ages, sexual orientations, races, ethnicities, and genders report that an enthusiastic, caring, and communicative partner are the key ingredients for a pleasurable sexual experience, which further emphasizes that affirmative consent and mutual respect and engagement is paramount to good sex.”
More of a numbers person? Allow me to hit you with some statistics. The vast majority of respondents from different genders and sexual orientations (83 percent of them, to be exact) agreed that "a caring partner and enthusiastic partner" is the most important component to having good sex. Right after being enthusiastic and caring, 78 percent of respondents name being communicative as a key component of good sex. And make sure you don't neglect your kissing skills just because you're getting it in. Over three quarters of respondents (76 percent) regard being a good kisser as a priority. That's not to say that achieving orgasm isn't a priority. Exactly 75 percent of respondents say the big O is vital for solid sex.
Even if your sex life isn't really in tip-top shape, don't worry! It'll get better in due time. Actually, the study found that single women don't have their best sex until they're 66 years old! Men aren't having their best sex until they're 64. So hang tight, people.
Here's to tearing up the retirement home sex scene in about 40ish years! Wahoo!
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