After a string of bad first dates or unfulfilling hookups, settling into something solid with a new boo can feel unbelievable. Of course, if you're seeing someone new and everything feels good — like, freakishly good — it's natural to wonder if your relationship is too good to be true. Whether you're used to dating total duds or you've never had a serious partnership before, someone being totally dependable and sweet, like, all the time, can honestly be disorienting. It can even make you feel a little suspicious.
"It's not always easy to know if our partner is being authentic with us — that requires our ability to trust them, and real trust is established over time," Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles tells Elite Daily. The excitement of new love is wonderful and, understandably, we want those feelings to continue as long as possible. We tend not to say or do anything in the beginning that might cause those feelings to dissipate."
The start of a new relationship can be totally exciting. Still, if you're worried that your relationship may be a little too good to be true, Dr. Brown shares the four things to look out for.
Sometimes, the first few months of dating consist of hot make out sessions and cute dates in parks. It's true that a few weeks or maybe even months in, you and your boo may not have had any big fights. However, according to Dr. Brown, no matter how new or happy a relationship is, it's important to be able to express what you're feeling, especially when you and your boo disagree.
"Even in the very best of relationships there are going to be disagreements — that's only natural," Dr. Brown says. "I don't trust couples who never disagree — no more than I trust couples who fight all the time."
According to Dr. Brown, if you and your boo never disagree on anything ever, it may worthwhile to check in with yourself to see if you're being completely open and honest about your feelings. You and your boo can be totally on the same page but still like different kinds of ice cream or root for different football teams.
If new boo seems totally charming, but has a reputation for being a sort of heartbreaker, Dr. Brown says it may be worth checking in with them about their intentions for your relationship.
"Another sign is that your partner has a very bad track record in relationships — especially if those relationships were plenty in number and ended very badly," Dr. Brown says. "You [may] risk being at the end of a long line of broken hearts."
Of course, it's important to note that people change. Over time it's natural to grow and evolve, and it's not fair to judge someone by the people they've dated or the nature of their past relationships. When dating someone new, it's important to live in the present, but it can also be important to check in with what type of relationship they're looking for.
If you're dating a yes-man, yes-woman, or yes-person of any gender — it may be worth seeing what their real deal is before getting too invested.
"If they are constantly able to 'read you' and tell you what you want to hear, despite evidence that they are not really sincere, then you have to consider that you may have a major blind spot," Dr. Brown says. "[If] your partner tends to be a person who has to please everyone, all the time, sooner or later that is going to come to an end in one way or another."
You are obviously an amazing angel that anyone would be lucky to date, but you still want to make sure your new boo can walk the walk behind talking the talk.
Your new partner may smell amazing or always know the best song to put on when you're feeling sad. Maybe they're literally so hot you get jittery just thinking about them. Although it can be super exciting to be super into someone, according to Dr. Brown, if you're starting to think that your boo has no flaws, it may be worth remembering that they're just as human as you are.
"In reality, there is no such thing as a perfect person. If you truly believe they have no faults, then you may be deluding yourself," Dr. Brown says. "They are going to make mistakes, as will you. The important thing is to enjoy the good stuff without ignoring some of the negatives."
No matter how awesome, stable, and healthy your relationship is — nobody is perfect, not even your boo. Giving your relationship the time and space for inevitable mistakes to happen can take the pressure off of you and your boo to be perfect all of the time.
Of course, when it comes to your relationship, nobody knows better than you. You know what type of relationship you're looking for and you know what's real for you. Still, if you're having some questions about where you and your boo are at, it's always OK to check in about your intentions. Open communication and honesty can ensure that everyone is on the same page, and that is something that's always true.
