Sex can be complicated and personal, and pleasing your partner sometimes might require more than just getting them off. For some women, satisfying their partner in bed can involve satisfying their partner's ego — by faking their own orgasms. I'm not here to tell you what to do or what not to do, but giving up faking orgasms might be an empowering New Year's Resolution for you to consider in 2019.
Why are some women doing this in the first place? Is there anything wrong with a faux O? Will giving up faking orgasms make you feel liberated? Are there any other reasons to quit faking it? To help me answer these questions, I talked to Debi Pruitt, a sexpert at Dr. Tom Murray, PhD. and Associates.
According to Pruitt, although "women's sexuality has blossomed over the years, many of us are still programed to think of sex as a bargaining tool." She explains that for many women, a lot of energy in the bedroom is dedicated to satisfying their partners. "So, the woman puts on a porn-star worthy performance of moaning and groaning, accompanied by thrashing about." She adds that sometimes, women might feel inadequate if they don't enjoy sex or reach orgasm, or they might be afraid that their partner will feel inadequate if they can't get her off.
While every situation is completely unique, faking O's seems to be somewhat gendered — it appears that in many instances, a man's pleasure and ego are prioritized over a woman's actual enjoyment. So, listen: There's nothing wrong with having sex like you're a porn star — in fact, playing things up in the bedroom can be all kinds of fun and stimulating — but if it's mostly just about a performance, it might be a good idea to make it about your pleasure too.
Of course, it's not always so black and white — there are about million reasons why someone might fake an orgasm. Some women don't want their partners to think they're not enjoying the sex, some are enjoying the sex, but feel like they can't climax, some are timid about telling their partners exactly what would get them off, some can't focus enough to orgasm, and others might fake it just to get the sex over with.
So, what's the big deal if you want to fake the big O? Well, it's completely your choice, of course, but nixing the act in 2019 might be a good idea for a couple of reasons. First of all, if you're in a committed relationship, honesty is key. Would your partner be hurt if they knew you were faking orgasms? It might strengthen your bond to be open and honest. Second, if you feel like you need to lie (and by "lie," I mean fake an orgasm) to keep your partner happy, it might empower you to be able to be more authentic about your sexual satisfaction.
Just how liberating can it be to stop faking orgasms? Pruitt tells Elite Daily that "resisting the urge to fake orgasms results in improved intimacy and trust with your partner, transparency in the relationship, and an increased sexual connection." So, with full transparency, you might feel more comfortable in the relationship and like your feelings, voice, and satisfaction matter. As a result, you may even be able to have a real orgasm with your partner.
Pruitt broke down another reason why it might be beneficial to quit faking orgasms, and it has to do with your health. She explains that chronic tension sometimes causes "body armoring," a protective defense mechanism that shields the body from pain by inhibiting the senses. When a woman "becomes aroused repeatedly with no relief, body armoring is concentrated in the genitalia. This reaction impairs optimal sexual functioning, and results in either numbness or hypersensitivity." Yikes! Not only can faking it hurt your partner's feelings, but it might also hurt your overall sexual health by inhibiting your ability to have real orgasms.
So, faking orgasms could negatively impact your health and ability to enjoy getting frisky, but apparently, having more of them can create quite the opposite effect, too. Pruitt says that "genuine, mind-blowing orgasms improve circulation ... improve mood, detoxify the body, help with relaxation and sleep, decrease stress, help with a variety of illnesses, and even reduce belly fat!" Sign me up!
But beyond the physical health benefits and improving the honesty and communication in your relationship, giving up faking orgasms can also just be about your pleasure. Why not make it a 2019 goal to prioritize your sexual satisfaction? Remember that women can and should enjoy sex, too!
If your bedroom performance has been a little extra lately, you might consider reevaluating the reasons why you've been faking orgasms and what steps you can take to have better communication about sex with your partner. Asking for what you want in bed and being open about what does or doesn't please you can be tough for a lot of women, but is vital in a relationship.
Also, if you're not sure exactly what would help you get your rocks off, you might not know until you try a few things out with your partner. You have to be vulnerable and trust that your partner will respond with understanding and support. This is no easy task, but communication could definitely be key to the greatest sex you've ever had.
A new year is all about a refreshed outlook and setting your #goals for the next 365 days. New Year's resolutions can be anything you want them to be — from flossing your teeth daily to spending less money to having more Os. Could giving up faking orgasms make you happier, healthier, empowered, and more connected to your bae? It might be worth a shot!