If you're anything like me, having multiple orgasms in bed is an intriguing, but elusive thought.
Multi O's haven't happened for me, and maybe they haven't happened for you, either. Three orgasms, one session? That sounds like a mythical tale to me. It also sounds like the title of an unrealistic porno.
It's hard enough to climax once without some serious commitment and teamwork. Many times? Is this normal for women? Am I missing out on an amazing thing that my body can do?
Instead of continuing to ask more existential questions about myself, a non-expert, Elite Daily consulted clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee to find out if multiple orgasms is an actual thing, and if so, how it could be done.
First off, the good news: Anything is possible, and multiple orgasms in bed is no exception to that rule.
"Unlike people with penises, those with vaginas do not have a refractory period," says Dr. Lee. "The refractory period is the recovery phase after orgasm when it is physiologically impossible for a man to have additional orgasms."
Pretty cool, right? While it is impossible for men to have many orgasms in a row without down time in between, women can get down multiple times in a row. I'll call that a win.
But what does Dr. Lee mean by "additional orgasms?" Does that mean three rapid fire O's in a row during one climax, or instead, three on a beautiful Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m.?
"A common misconception about multiple orgasms is that they need to be consecutive," says Dr. Lee. "A multiple orgasm is when someone has more than one orgasm in one sex session – break included. Or a person has more than one orgasm during the course of the same sexual activity."
So maybe some women can have a triple orgasm situation all at once, but multiple orgasms just means that you can come more than once within a bedroom session. That seems a bit more feasible.
Now onto the important question: How does one make multiple orgasms happen?
In order to have multiple orgasms, you need to be able to orgasm at least once, which is not easy for all women.
While men are usually guaranteed a happy ending in bed, women often have to work harder for their orgasm. So start with one orgasm, and then work your way up to multiple.
"Learn how to ensure that the female partner can orgasm during sexual intercourse," says Dr. Lee. "This might include clitoris stimulation with the fingertips (his or hers), or a sex toy during intercourse. When you are both ready to orgasm, intensify the rubbing of the clitoris to trigger an orgasm."
Work with your partner to figure out what brings you to orgasm first, then worry about subsequent climaxes.
Dr. Lee added,
The trick after the first orgasm is to not rest for too long, just let another wave build and ride it.
This all sounds great, but it also seems somewhat complicated. Achieving multiple orgasms is a marathon, not a sprint, and it is a journey that requires a giving partner, and an ability to ask for what you need from them.
"Learn how to communicate when one is approaching orgasm," says Dr. Lee. "It can be as direct as telling the other so both parties can relax into the sensation, establishing pre-determined cues, or learning to look for physical signs such as held breath or a certain facial expression."
If your partner knows what to look for as you approach climax, he'll know when to hang on, wait before having his own orgasm, and touch you in the right places. Relationships require communication in the bedroom as much as anywhere else, so tell him what feels good to you.
If you are still having trouble squeezing out a second (or even just a first) orgasm, Dr. Lee recommends going for a new position.
"Few women can climax without some kind of clitoral stimulation," says Dr. Lee. "Therefore the woman on top sex position is one that can help in this goal."
She also recommends enjoying your partner's orgasm, as "hearing, seeing, or feeling their partner's arousal, climax, and release can even send some women over the edge along with, or right after, them."
If all else seems to fail, Dr. Lee suggests trying out the "rhythm method," which is basically just a suggestion to throw on some jams during sex.
"Music has a powerful effect on our emotions, and can be a powerful tool in relieving stress, preparing for romance and expressing your sexuality through lovemaking," says Dr. Lee. "For the purpose of the goal of achieving simultaneous orgasms, how about one that establishes a clear rhythm that motivates you to keep going, and at the same pace."
Trying any or of all of the above might even get you to more than one orgasm in a session, but it's important to remember that it's not a competition. Nobody is keeping track of how many times you come.
Yes, I know, three in a row would feel best to most of us, but you also might be satisfied with one, mind-blowing orgasm.
Dr. Lee explains that "sex should not be about performing or proving anything to anybody. It's about what feels best to us."
It's great to be ambitious, but don't get too uptight about multiple O's. If you want to come at all, it's important to stay relaxed and open to all different vibes that might come up... if you know what I mean.