6 Pieces Of Advice From Moms On Ending A Relationship, So Take Notes
The ending of a relationship can be a really rough time for everyone involved. Whether you're the one ending things or your partner is making the call, it's probably going to hurt one way or another. If you're ending things, it can feel like the weight of breaking someone's heart is on your shoulders. If your partner's ending things with you, it's completely normal to feel sad and wonder if there was anything you could've done to stop it. When it comes to putting yourself back together post-breakup, these pieces of advice from moms on ending a relationship can be incredibly helpful. After all, they've probably been through it themselves.
You and your mom may not be the best of friends, and you may not talk about aspects of your life with her that other people do with their moms, but that's totally OK. Every mother-child relationship is different. But, just because you may not feel comfortable talking about parts of your life with your mom, doesn't mean moms in general don't have great advice. I spoke to six of them, and they dished out some really helpful tips for coping with the ending of a relationship. So, whether you're ending your relationship, or your partner is, try to take some solace in these words of wisdom.
1. Surround yourself with people you love, among other things.
"I know it’s really hard right now. It’s difficult, and it’s painful. But the best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with people that love you, obviously your family, your classmates, people that work with you, people that grew up with you, try to focus on doing things that are good for you. Go exercise. Do things that you weren’t doing because you were in a relationship, and I promise you, every day it’s going to get a little better and a little better. And then one day, you’re just going to realize, 'Wow, I haven’t thought of them all day.'
If that’s not the person for you, it’s better that happens now, than later. You don’t want to find yourself in a marriage or with children and having to go through that very unpleasant task of a divorce and the kids suffer in that situation. In the moment, it may seem like the most difficult thing, but five years from now, you’ll look back, and it wasn’t that bad. And you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t appreciate you. You should be with someone who wants to be with you and makes you happy."
— Lillie, 47
2. Never settle.
"A successful relationship is one that you value your partner as much as he values you. If your partner isn’t being respectful, courteous, kind and thoughtful, it is a reflection of what will continue in the future. A marriage should be a union for life. If your partner isn’t what you expect before marriage, then he certainly won’t be what you deserve after marriage. Ending relationships is never easy, but no one should just settle for a person knowing that you deserve better in return."
— Nyxlie, 50
3. Let yourself grieve.
"Grieve the breakup for some time, until you're ready to stop grieving. Keep busy with school, and friends and work, and getting a new hobby you enjoy."
— Marieta, 53
4. Be kind.
"Be conscious of the other person’s feelings, not to be cruel, to acknowledge the good that came out of the relationship and be just and fair in the reasons why you want to leave the relationship. It’s not just, ‘You did this,’ ‘You did that.’ You also have to take responsibility in your part of the breakup. But I think that dealing with someone’s heart is a big responsibility, and the same care that you picked it up with, is the same care you should have when you’re putting down.
Never destroy what you once loved. Remember everyone is responsible for their own happiness."
— Wilma, 54
5. Talk things through.
"Talk through whatever scenarios are at play. Take time to discuss the pros and cons of the situation. Don't make any harsh decisions without thinking things through."
— Rosy, 60
6. Know you have a better future ahead of you.
"I acknowledge the pain, the loss. Instead of trying to say the opposite like, 'Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.' No. It sucks. [I think] we’re meant for relationships, so the end of one is difficult. It’s hard right now to see into the future, and to trust and be confident, and to know that there is a better future and better relationships, if this one ended. Learn the pros and cons of this relationship, what you like and didn’t like because these are all learning grounds for future relationships, so don’t waste it. Take it slow. The most assured way of getting over a relationship is to keep busy. Find activities that occupy your mind and your heart. Before you realize it, you’ve forgotten, and you’ve healed."
— Nirma, 56
Moms have a way with words, and even if you've heard all of these bits of advice before, try to remember that it's OK to feel crappy if you're going through a breakup, and there's no shame in that! If you need to talk to someone, never hesitate to reach out for help, whether it be from your mom or from a professional.