This Advice From Moms About Breakups Is So Wise, It'll Make You Rethink Everything
It's hardly a secret that moms can give some seriously revelatory advice. More often than not, the hard part is learning to actually listen to it. And despite my stubbornness when it comes to dating, there is no one I trust to give me solid advice more than my mother. There's just something about advice from moms about breakups that can really get you on the right track after a particularly difficult heartbreak.
And while talking with your friends and getting their input can certainly help too, let's face it — moms have been around a lot longer. And with age comes wisdom, so it's probably safe to say that most good mom advice packs a serious punch. Another great part about seeking dating advice from moms is that they've got tough love on lock. And even if you are hoping that they will tell you what you want to hear, they almost always know when it's time to serve up a reality check. I can't think of a more important time to get a dose of reality than during a breakup, because it's so easy to let the intensity of your emotions overshadow reality. Here is the best advice I've heard from some strong, loving, and wise mamas.
1. Let Yourself Be Sad, Let Yourself Be Mad, And Then Let Go
First of all, always remember you are valuable, beautiful, and strong. You're young and life is just beginning. You will survive! Cry, be mad, talk about it with your best friend, eat pizza and ice cream, yeah, just like in the movies. But move on! There will be others, better or worse, and this probably won't be your first or last breakup.
— Maria, 46
2. Accept That Some Relationships Just Aren't Meant To Be
Just know that if it things didn't work out, then it just wasn't meant to be. It's so easy to beat yourself up wondering about what could have been or how things may have worked out differently, but life is far too short to dwell on things you can't change. Learn from the past and move on. In the long run, it's always better to know that a relationship isn't working sooner rather than later.
— Suzanne, 64
3. Find Someone Who Treats You Like The Queen That You Are
I got my heart broken and I was devastated and felt so certain that no one would ever love me again. I was treated terribly by my ex, but I didn't care, I still loved him. But then I met my husband and he treated me like a queen. My advice is find someone that treats you like a queen. Because you deserve it!
— Gail, 62
4. It's Not Your Job To Convince Someone That You're Worthy Of Their Love
First, the pain gets better. And second, if someone doesn't want to be with you then there's nothing you can or should do to change that.
— Sue, 55
5. Don't Expect The Way Someone Treats You To Change
If they don't love and appreciate you now, then don't think that they would have ever loved and appreciated you later.
— Joanne, 72
6. Keep Yourself Busy, And Don't Rush
From my experience, the best way to work past a breakup is to keep yourself busy as much as possible. Keeping your mind occupied will help you move on without completely descending into a black hole of misery. And whatever you do, try to take your time getting back into the dating pool. Remember that the objective shouldn't be to find someone to replace your ex.
— Yvonne, 70
7. Accept That Breakups Are Just Part Of The Process
Imagine yourself solving a jigsaw puzzle. There's the one piece you chose and need to find the match. That piece is you. You take another piece, not actually committing to it as a match... that is the dating process. You attempt to connect, but it does not fit. You put it down, set it aside. The process continues until you finally find that one piece that is the match and you breathe a sigh of relief. Dating is never committing to someone until you take that breath... until the piece fits perfectly. Then you commit. Dating is just that. Never think that dating someone is the one piece. Breakups will happen, but its for a reason.
8. Breakups Just Bring You One Step Closer To Finding The One
I would tell them to try to look at the positive in terms of what you learned in the relationship and how it made you grow. Although it hurts now, with time everything will start to heal. The breakup is just putting you one step closer to finding the right relationship you’re supposed to be in.
— Susan, 44
9. Breakups Offer The Opportunity To Figure Out What You Want
Dating and real estate have similar traits: There's always a trade-off. The most important thing is to have a list of 'Must Have,' 'Would Like,' [and] 'Not Important'. Any breakup will be painful but it will help you clarify your list.
No one ever said that letting someone go was easy, but just know that the pain you are feeling is totally normal and that it will most certainly lessen with time. Everyone deserves to have a partner (if they want one) who loves them and enhances their life, and there isn't just one person out there capable of doing that. If breakups are part of finding the person who fits in your life the way you need them to, it'll all be worth it in the end.
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