5 Things Your Partner's Body Language During Sex Reveals About Their Feelings For You
To say I'm observant on dates is a major understatement. I can't help but analyze every one of my date's actions and mannerisms: his drink choice, word choice, the way he keeps bouncing his right leg or touching his bottom lip. And if you treat date nights with the same Sherlock Holmes mentality that I do, you're probably wondering what your partner's body language during sex actually reveals about their feelings in that moment as well.
Just last week, a friend of mine told me that a guy had been shoving multiple fingers into her mouth while they were making out. Like, making a dinosaur claw and just sticking his hand in her mouth. Needless to say, I was perplexed.
"What does that even mean?" she asked. "Is it like, 'Mmm, yes, I'm so into this I want your tongue on my hand?' Or, like, 'I need to get away from your mouth for a second, but here, make out with my pointer and middle fingers?'"
I had no answers, only more questions. Enter body language expert Tonya Reiman.
"Fingers in the mouth are a clear representation of several things," Reiman explains to me when asked about this type of situation. "[It] is often used as a fantasy tool — one in which the individual who puts their fingers in the mouth of their partner is experiencing an oral fantasy of their own... Secondarily, it is used as a 'taste test.' One person puts their fingers in their partner as a way to imagine the other potentially masturbating and tasting themselves in the process."
Huh, who knew?
Reiman's knowledge doesn't stop there. Here's a look at exactly what your partner's physical body language says about their emotional standing during sex, from feisty nips and nibbles to gentle neck kisses.
They Stroke Your Hair & Face
"When someone touches or strokes your hair and/or face during sex, it is typically a demonstration of affection," says Reiman. "This is primal — it shows that they want to connect with you on more than a mere physical level. Typically, the hair-stroker or the face-toucher has genuine feelings [for you] or is just a real romantic."
If your partner is taking the time to run their fingers through your hair or caress your cheek during sex, it is a definite indicator that they've got real feelings and are looking to connect with you on another level. So yeah, they're probs pretty into you.
They're Using A Ton Of Tongue When They Kiss
"They are either new to the world of intimacy or they are experiencing a sense of urgency," explains Reiman. "They are telling you they want to explore every part of you... Typically the body movements of this individual will match the tongue movements. For example, if they are fast with the tongue, their sexual encounter will mimic that action."
Basically, if your partner's using a whole lot of tongue, it can mean they want you and they want you now. That said, there's a chance that they don't even realize how much tongue they're using. So if you're not loving all of that slobbery action, feel free to give them a gentle head's up.
"The tongue is an extremely strong muscle and quite often the individual doesn’t realize they are potentially overusing this muscle," Reiman elaborates.
They Grab You By The Waist
"Obviously, this is positional," says Reiman. "One of the main reasons to use this position is to either pull you in deeper — thrust-wise — or ... admire and appreciate your measurements which will typically bring someone to a sexually heightened mental state (this is potentially evolution at work)."
In other words, your partner is likely doing this because they want to get a better feel for your body, both physically and mentally (particularly if they are the penetrating partner in this scenario). They want to understand just how well your bodies fit together.
They Bite Or Nibble You
If your partner's getting a little nibbly, it's likely because they're aiming to amp up your excitement pleasure (not trying to hurt you, thank goodness).
"Many areas of the body become extra sensitive because of increased blood flow during arousal," explains Reiman. "A gentle bite or slight nibble during this time allows your body to react with excitement as endorphins are released and pain is perceived as pleasure."
They're Nuzzling Your Neck
"[The] neck is not considered to be one of the most sensitive areas, it is very much an erogenous zone," says Reiman. "It represents an emotional connection to another individual."
Reiman went on to explain that eye contact and neck-nuzzling during sex are two, huge tip-offs that your partner is emotionally invested, and not just looking for a meaningless hookup. Conversely, if your partner is intentionally avoiding eye contact and not getting nuzzly, it means they're trying to keep their emotional distance, despite how physically close you two are in that moment.
"Although it does not hold as much meaning as eye contact during sex, nuzzling the neck demonstrates a feeling of connection..." she explains. "If [neither is] attempted, it is more of a sexual encounter, as opposed to a lovemaking experience."
This post was originally published on April 24, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 19, 2019.