Men and women like different things. It's not sexism, it's reality.
I've yet to meet a guy who's as enthusiastic about bite-size snacks and Balmainia as I am. Likewise, my guy friends lament their inability to find a girl who can keep up with excessive video game talk.
Those differences are found in the bedroom, too. Guys give me a whole host of reasons as to why “girl on top” is the best sex position ever. Conversely, I've never met a girl who didn't express how much she loves when her man f*cks her doggy style.
Being the sex scientist I am (not formally, but I digress), I crunched some numbers. I surveyed 50 of my coworkers and friends on their favorite positions in bed.
With this information, I figured out if guys really do love different things between the sheets than girls do.
Check out our ranking of positions from "ugh" to "oh, yes!"
You'll be surprised.
Ladies come first.
#9. The lotus
Sex is no place to just take a seat.
Lotus -- a position in which both partners sit facing each other, with one partner's legs wrapped around the other's -- is the least favorite position of the women surveyed.
I kind of get it. It's a hard position to maneuver in, and getting the angle right is always a matter of very precise legwork. No one has time for that.
Girls might love spooning, but they apparently hate forking. Wrap your arms around us, gentlemen, just don't stick anything else there.
Also, if anyone has figured out a good angle for spooning sex, please Tweet at me. Asking for a friend.
Looks like girls aren't about “giving and getting.”
The 69 hangs low as the #7 most favorite position for ladies. Sure, great sex is all about reciprocation, but it's somehow worse when both your asses are in each other's face at the same time.
#6. Reverse cowgirl
Reverse cowgirl falls somewhere in the middle for the ladies surveyed. If he's getting a great view and she only gets to see his feet, it's just not a fun time.
#5. Against the wall
F*cking against the wall only fared slightly better for the ladies than it did the gents. Seriously, how does this always look so hot in movies, but is so difficult in real life?
#4. Ankles over her head
Girls dig having their ankles over their heads -- it allows us to show off the results of those early Bikram yoga classes.
We love the power. He's under you, your legs are wrapped around him and you get to control the speed and angle. Bonus points for wrapping your hands around his neck, too.
It might be the oldest trick in the book, but who cares? It feels good, the guy does all the work and still has ample room to use his arms to pin you the f*ck down.
We love losing control in the bedroom just as much as we love having it. Don't get me wrong, there's something intimate about letting the guy have full control and trusting him enough to do whatever he wants. We just love the whole “face down, ass up” situation.
Guys get their say.
#9: The Lotus
The guys agree. Lotus is just no fun.
Honestly, if you dig your girl sitting on top, you're better off with one of the cowgirls.
Yet another tie.
Looks like men really aren't loving the whole forking thing, either. Maybe it's because you're usually half-asleep when you do it and, therefore, too lazy to get up and physical. Or, maybe it's because you need a mega-long dick to get the right angle.
#7. Ankles over her head
They might like the kama sutra in theory, but it's just a tad too complicated when you're actually getting down and dirty.
#6. Against the wall
F*cking against the wall might look fun in movies, but it's hard to pull off in reality. Secretly, I think that's mainly because guys are just too lazy to hold us up.
Guys like the mutual reciprocation aspect of 69 more than the girls do.
#4. Reverse cowgirl
Can't f*ck with the view. There's nothing sexier than the curve of her back and her ass within grabbable distance.
Grab the popcorn, because your girl is about to go to town and do all the work. Sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
You're on top and get to do with her precisely what you want. Take your complaints about this position and shove them up your ass.
On behalf of women everywhere, please stick it in the right hole.