Men and women like different things. It's not sexism, it's reality.
I've yet to meet a guy who's as enthusiastic about bite-size snacks and Balmainia as I am. Likewise, my guy friends lament their inability to find a girl who can keep up with excessive video game talk.
Of course, there’s no right or wrong way to engage in sexual activity. Sexual pleasure is extremely unique to the individual, regardless of their gender identity. As long as you and your sexual partner are practicing active consent, have communicated about boundaries, and are having sex that’s pleasurable to you both, the position doesn’t matter. Whether you’re in Lotus or Missionary, whatever feels best for you is the best position.
Still, it can be provocative and productive to survey the masses about their favorite positions and see if any trends arise. So, I surveyed 50 of my coworkers and friends, both male and female, to find out more about what they catalogued as their favorite positions in bed.
With this information, I wanted to figure out whether or not men and women prefer different positions between the sheets, and the answers more than deliver.
Check out this ranking of positions from "ugh" to "oh, yes!" — you'll be surprised at what they had to say.
What Women Had To Say.
#9. The Lotus
Sex is no place to just take a seat.
Lotus — a position in which both partners sit facing each other, with one partner's legs wrapped around the other's — was the least favorite position of the women surveyed, although, due to sex’s subjective nature, other women may disagree.
I kind of get it. It's a hard position to maneuver in, and getting the angle right is always a matter of very precise legwork. No one has time for that. But according to sex educator Lola Jean, Lotus can actually be pleasurable for both parties. “Lotus can be a great position for being connected with your partner,” Jean tells Elite Daily. “You are able to see their face and feel their breath.”
Jean attests that spooning can be a great position to connect with your partner because your bodies are so close together. “I like to call this position ‘lazy sex,’” Jean tells Elite Daily. “it doesn’t require as much effort as other positions, but it’s a great position for connective-ness.”
Also, if anyone has figured out a good angle for spooning sex, please tweet me. Asking for a friend.
The 69 hangs low as the seventh most favorite position for the women asked. Sure, great sex is all about reciprocation, but it can be worse when both of your butts are in each other's face at the same time. “Sixty-nine can be a great mutual pleasure position or it can be entirely overwhelming based on the person you are,” Jean says. “Some people need to be able to focus on the oral they’re receiving without having other tasks as hand, while those who thrive off of giving others pleasure may find it adds to their arousal.”
#6. Reverse Cowgirl
Reverse cowgirl falls somewhere in the middle for the women surveyed. If your partner is getting a great view and you only gets to see their feet, it's just not a fun time. Jean, however, says Reverse Cowgirl “can be a great position” for all the same reasons as Cowgirl. Additionally, if you have previously consented to anal sex, Jean emphasizes “access to the backdoor” is also a benefit of this position.
#5. Against The Wall
According to the results of this very informal survey, women enjoy having sex against a wall slightly more than men do. Seriously, how does this always look so hot in movies, but is so difficult in real life? Jean has several ideas.
“Many things can contribute [to the difficulty of this position], including variation between your heights, the angle of one’s erection, the proximity of one clitoris from their vaginal canal,” Jean says.
#4. Ankles Over Her Head
The women in this survey enjoy having sex with their ankles over their head, a pose can both allow for intense clitorol stimulation and act as a hamstring stretch. Note that the depth of the penetrating partner will depend on several factors, such as size and flexibility.
You love the power. Your partner is under you, your legs are wrapped around them and you get to control the speed and angle. Bonus points for wrapping your hands around their neck, too. “Cowgirl is great for her,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Elite Daily. “She’s in the driver’s seat, controlling speed and depth of penetration.”
Cowgirl is extremely pleasurable for women and femme-identifying people, not only because of their ability to call the shots in regards to speed but also because of their ability to lean into the movement, stimulating their clitoris.
It might be the oldest trick in the book, but who cares? It feels good, a male or male-identifying partner does all the work and still has ample room to use his arms to pin you down (if you’re into that). "Missionary maximizes her satisfaction," Levine says. "Put your legs over his shoulders to stimulate your G-spot.” Levine also recommends incorporating sex toys, such as a vibrator or finger vibrator, and maintaining eye contact, to achieve a stronger orgasm and impact.
The women included in this survey love losing control in the bedroom just as much as they love having it. Don't get me wrong, there's something intimate about letting a male or male-identifying partner have full control and trusting them enough to give them full control and take you from behind.
“Doggie can be a great position for achieving more depth, but it can also be a painful one for those who do not want said depth, not to mention a lack of control,” Jean says. “You can put a fun twist on this classic movement by having the receiver be in charge of the depth and control.”
What Men Had To Say.
#9: The Lotus
The men and women surveyed both agree: Lotus is their least favorite position, but Jean offers a solution. “This position can be a bit difficult to incorporate variation, versatility, and control,” Jean says. “But it can also be a great position for focusing more on breath work and slight body movements.” When trying Lotus, consider focusing on synchronizing your breath, rather than switching up the pace.
Yet another tie.
Looks like men really aren't loving spooning, either. However, if you and your partner aren’t crazy about spooning, Jean offers some guidance that can make the position more pleasurable. “Spooning sex can be around great position for deeper penetration,” Jean says. “Or G-spot angles, depending on the angle of your erection.”
#7. Ankles In The Air
They might like the Kama Sutra in theory, but the men and male-identifying people surveyed for this article agree it’s just a tad too complicated when you're actually getting down and dirty. Jean once again emphasizes if flexibility is an issue, communicating this to your partner is key to enjoying a consensual and pleasurable sexual experience. Even in sex, open and honest dialogue is king.
#6. Against The Wall
Having sex against the wall might look fun in movies, but it's hard to pull off in reality. Jean again says that differences in size and strength can make this position difficult. “For those with height differentials, Cowgirl or Cowboy or Cowperson can be fantastic.” So if you’re struggling to have sex against a wall, consider sampling Cowgirl instead.
If you have a partner who enjoys the mutual reciprocation aspect of 69ing more than you do, Jean says may be because “some people need to be able to focus on the oral they’re receiving without having other tasks as hand, while those who thrive off of giving others pleasure may find it adds to their arousal. As far as who gets the top and bottom positions — who enjoys being the ‘lazy’ one and who doesn’t?”
When it comes to 69, reciprocation and communication are necessary for a good time.
#4. Reverse Cowgirl
The men and male-identifying people I talked to for this piece agree there's nothing sexier than the curve of a partner's back in Reverse Cowgirl. Jean agrees: “There’s the bonus of having a nice view,” and, “due to the flexibility in this position, it is often best suited for those who don’t have a more north-facing erection.”
The men and male-identifying people I spoke with all gelt the same way: Cowgirl, in which their partner is on top and facing them, is one of their favorite positions. Levine says Cowgirl can be particularly pleasurable for men and male-identifying people because their partner is in control of both the movement and the pace.
“Men are able to lay back while she enjoys the ride,” Levine says. Although all sexual positions require mutual involvement and participation, Cowgirl allows female and femme-identifying people to really take the reins.
All those surveyed once again could agree Missionary is one of the most pleasurable sex positions. “Missionary is great for men because they’re in control of speed and depth,” Levine says. “Slip a toy between the two of you as you gaze into each other’s eyes.”
Missionary position is a comfortable sex move, which will allow for a lot of contact and connection with your partner.
For all the men and male-identifying people surveyed, Doggie received the coveted spot as the most pleasurable sex position.
“While a fun position, Doggie can be very difficult due to height differentials as well as not being able to see your partner’s face,” Jean says. “To compensate for height differential either partner can widen their legs or bring them together.” By working together to make up for height differences, as well as lack of eye contact, Doggie can be extremely pleasurable for both men and women.
Additional reporting was added to this piece on July 31, 2019 by Elite Daily Staff.