When you and bae are in the midst of your honeymoon phase, you may be too distracted by your new love to notice the things around you, like the signs your friends don't like hanging out with you and your partner. As your relationship transitions out of that phase, you might start seeing the signs that your friends have been, well, avoiding you and your partner lately... even though they have all the time in the world to see just you.
It can be disheartening, to say the least, but your friends likely have their reasons for not wanting to hang out with you and your SO. For starters, dating coach Erika Ettin tells Elite Daily, "You can't talk about your relationship if the other person in the relationship is right there. It changes the dynamic."
There might be certain aspects of your partner's personality or interests that your friends may not appreciate the same way you do. "They may not like the way the two of you are together,"psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Grant H. Brenner tells Elite Daily. "Do you bicker? Is there too much PDA? Do you act too 'couple-y' in groups, making others feel awkward, uncomfortable and excluded?"
Despite what your friends' reasons are for not wanting to hang out with you and your partner, here are some across-the-board signs that they may be purposely steering clear of your relationship.
If you've begun noticing that your friends always seem to "have a thing" when you invite them to hang out with you and your partner, they may be avoiding you on purpose. "No matter what the occasion, you notice your friends are otherwise occupied," NYC-based relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "Bottom line, they're always busy. Yet, when you ask them to see you by yourself, they're miraculously available." Pay attention to which invitations your friends accept and which they turn down. You might learn something.
So, a few weeks ago, you noticed that your friends went out without you, but it's fine. You wanted to stay home that night anyway. Then, it happened again two weeks later — hmm, a little weird, but again, fine. Then this past weekend, they went to the restaurant you had been talking about in the group chat earlier that week, and again, they didn't invite you. This could be a sign your friends don't like hanging out with you and your partner, Brenner says. "They stop inviting you to things (unless they know your partner is busy at that time) and are evasive about why."
The few times that your friends do agree to plans with your partner, something seems to always come up and they leave after an hour. "This allows your friends to get in and out with very little interaction," Winter says. "Excuses you may hear [include], 'I can only stay an hour or so because...'"
For those of us who have very candid friends, they might just come out and tell you why they don't want to hang out with you when you're with your partner. They may "tell you they're uncomfortable spending time with your partner," Winter says. "While they love and support you, this is not a person's company they enjoy." This isn't just a potential clue or a possible sign that your friend doesn't dig your SO — it's the truth.
Start by talking to your friends about what you've been noticing. If they have been avoiding you and your partner, try to get to the bottom of why. Communication is key in any relationship, platonic and romantic. "Create a circumstance where you can speak with each party, so they can safely share their concerns," Brenner advises. "Be calm, curious, and exploratory, with the intent to assess what is happening rather than take sides. Find out what the issues are and determine if there is a reasonable compromise, a misunderstanding which can be addressed, or if there are certain areas best to completely steer clear of for the same of the relationships involved."
Your friends want to spend time with you. It's only natural to want to spend time with your friends and your significant other all together, but remember that spending time strictly with your friends can be crucial for maintaining those important platonic relationships.
"They're the ones who will be there for you no matter what, Ettin says. "So, don't try to squeeze them into your new life. Keep a special place for your own friend relationships, sans your partner."
