21 Tweets About Hooking Up Will Make You Say, "Damn, That's Me"

by Candice Jalili

Anyone who's ever been even remotely involved with hookup culture can attest to the fact that the experience of hooking up with people comes with its own unique trials and tribulations. Some experiences within hookup culture are so weird and so inexplicable that you're left thinking that you must literally be the only person on the face of the Earth who has ever gone through anything even remotely like this. But, alas, my friends, you are not alone. In fact, these tweets about hooking up with people and all of the awkward, embarrassing, sad, and sometimes hilarious experiences that come along with it prove that we're all in this together.

Read along as people recount their most memorable hookup stories like the story of the girl who made a really long, drawn-out pun during pillow talk and never heard from the dude (who she had been hooking up with for THREE MONTHS) ever again. Or the person who thought they were finally moving on from their ex... and then almost yelled out their ex's name during sex with a random person. Oooh! Or the person who woke up with a feeling that today was finally going to be the day he was going to get some only to find that, yet again, it was not. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Read along and prepare to say "same."

When that douche tries to convince you to that he doesn't have a condom on him but he'll DEFINITELY pull out. (OK, sure.)
When you've boinked three times and you still don't know his name.
When you tell a really far-fetched joke during pillow talk that doesn't fully land...aaaand he ghosts you the next day.
When you catch feelings and every text (or lack there of) has the power to catapult you into a depressive state.
When humans aren't quite cutting it for you anymore so you decide to put your love and faith into something more reliable AKA pizza.
When hooking up takes WAY too much emotional maturity for you to handle.
When you have a forbidden office romance and the two of you almost get caught by running into another coworker.
When you say you're "done hooking up" but you're, like, really not at all even remotely done.
When, yes, you're hooking up with someone but obviously your best friend is BAE (and also you're using the dude for his dog, duh).
When a girl's ear plug falls out and that's all you needed for a meet cute.
When he slides into your DMs and talks big game about how big his dong is so you meet up but reality doesn't quite live up to expectations.
When you decide to be the third in a couple's threesome and then you totally ruin their entire relationship.
When you hook up with someone whose phone screen gives you hives.
When someone tries to hang out past your boink sesh and you're desperately trying to get them out of your home.
When you swear you're never going to hook up with that horrible dude again... and then you do and you have to lie to all of your friends about it because you made such a big deal about never being with them again.
When you're finally hooking up with someone new but you almost called out your ex's name during sex, so things may not be going as well as you might have hoped.
When you wake up hoping that you're going to get some today and the hours dwindle on and you realize that's definitely not going to happen.
When you hook up with someone and, instead of Facebook or Instagram, you decide to connect with them on LinkedIn because you're a hot, young professional.
When you start to think that hooking up with someone is so incredibly far fetched that you could write an autobiography about it.
When the nice guy you've been seeing has a girlfriend and also has hooked up with three of his friends.
When you're going through a breakup and think that hooking up with someone will help you move on but you just end up missing your ex more than you did before.

As someone who spent the first 23 years of her life **very** single, I can safely say that I'm extremely familiar with the hookup culture and all of its many ins and outs. Up until my current relationship, the only "romantic" experiences I had to show for were those long drawn out hookup buddy type situations that eventually fizzled out on their own.

So, yeah, I know how the story goes. In fact, I have a theory that when you're a single and active member of hookup culture, your life is constantly going one of two ways: you're on a hot streak or you're in a dry spell. You're either swimming in an endless sea of romantic promise or sitting at home alone picking crumbs off your pajamas while you start The Office all over again. Of course, this isn't to say that during either of these two phases that you aren't actually pining over one special person who you, for some reason or another, cannot fully have. But, for the most part, these are your two options.

And I know that, especially when you're in the sitting-at-home-alone-picking-crumbs-off-your-pajamas phase, it's easy to fantasize about having a special someone to sit home and watch Netflix with. Someone who actually cares about you. But please allow me to leave you with this silver lining: all of your best stories and experiences are going to come from this stage of your life. Embrace it!

Laugh at the bad dates and the awkward encounters and really dive into getting over your ex and take all the time that you need to do that. This is all part of the human experience and, if you ask me, it's one of the best parts of it so don't let it slip away without fully embracing it.

OK, I promise I'm done with my spiel. Now time for you to go SLAY the hookup scene like you were born to do.