Ladies, Stop Going On Dates With Guys Just Because You 'Feel Bad'

by Candice Jalili

You met this guy — let's call him Marty — last week and he could not have been nicer.

Fun to be around? Well, no. Hot? Not your type. Successful? Not really. Compatible with you? Absolutely not.

All right, time to just call it like we see it: He's icky. You can't even exactly put your finger on what it is. Something about the sight of him is just icky. The thought of him physically touching you literally makes your skin crawl.

...But he was so nice!

He bought you AND all your friends drinks! He made polite-but-not-creepy conversation! He ordered you an Uber from the bar back to your place and didn't even insinuate that he should join you!

Not to mention the fact that Marty is friends with your best friend's boyfriend. He's not some random guy you can just blow off! He's technically in your group of friends.

The next day, you wake up to a text from him saying, "Great seeing you last night! You make it home OK?"

Yes, part of you wants to vom everywhere at the sight of his name on your phone screen, but you force to respond something to be nice.

I mean, he did buy you all those drinks, and he even paid for that Uber. Not to the mention the fact that he's your best friend's boyfriend's friend, and they'd be so mad if you didn't respond to him.

You go settle for a nice short, "Ya I did! Thanks again for the Uber."

Nice, but not at all flirty... perfect, you think to yourself.

Then, he responds, "No problem! If you're up for it, I was thinking you could be my date to that event next Friday?"


This is a code-red horrific situation and you can't even call your best friend to vent about it because she's probably with his stupid best friend and she'd be stoked that you managed to get a date to the same event.

You suck it up and respond, "Sounds like fun!" I mean, that was your only option, right? WRONG.

Let me be clear here: You literally never, ever, EVER have to go on a date just because you'd feel to bad not going on it.

You literally never, ever, EVER have to go on a date just because you'd feel to bad not going on it.

I don't care how many drinks and Ubers he paid for. The last I checked, dates with you weren't for sale, and even if they were, they cost more than a beer and a $20 car ride home. And let's not even get into the fact that he OFFERED those.

I also don't care how nice he is. Was he supposed to be rude? Being nice is common decency; that's the legit bare minimum.


I get that you're a good person and you don't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him... but both of you will be better off if you just say no to that date.

In fact, I'm going to go ahead and say that going on that date is far meaner than saying no right from the get go.

When you say "yes" to that first date, you give him false hope. I know you said yes because you were trying to be nice. Because you didn't want to hurt his feelings. Because you didn't want to be a selfish jerk who just used him for drinks.

But now you've said yes to this date, and the fact of the matter is, he's excited. He's really excited that he liked a girl, and as far as he knows, the girl likes him back!

Then he's going to get to this event and spend the night with you awkwardly avoiding him. You'll be texting your friends about how miserable you are and how you can't wait to meet up with them as soon as this is over.

I guarantee the rejection that night is going to hurt his feelings about a billion times more than you being honest with him about how you feel from the start.

You'll also end up hurting him way more if this continues any further.

Let's say you did a good job at faking it on your date. You were nice, friendly and respectful, and you even gave him a little peck at the end of the night.

What do you think is going to happen after that? Let me tell you what's going to happen: He's going to ask you on another date.

And you're going to feel even more guilty saying no, so you're going to go.

And this cycle is going to keep going and going and GOING until you're his girlfriend and you meet his best friends and his mom and his cousins who live in Europe and then you — wait for it — become his fiancée!!!

*deep breath*

Don't let this get out of hand. Say "no" to that first date and nip the problem in the bud before it gets any worse.

You're not into him. You only have a few years here on this planet — don't waste any time hanging out with someone because you feel bad.