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15 BDSM Dirty Talk Phrases To Try Next Time You're In Bed

If you're looking to have a lovemaking experience that's a little less like The Notebook and a little more like Fifty Shades of Grey, then it might be time to experiment with BDSM. Whips and chains may excite you, but if you're new to the world of BDSM, you don't necessarily have to pull out the bondage gear right away. Verbally taking on dominant and submissive roles is a great way to create a power dynamic in the bedroom, and you and your partner may already be using BDSM dirty talk phrases without even realizing it.

As sex educator, instructor, and coach Lola Jean previously explained to Elite Daily, BDSM contains three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. "This is the overall umbrella under which most kinks fall," Jean said. "It can contain all elements or only one. BDSM holds no space for judgment." These erotic practices are all about trust and mutual pleasure, combining sex, power, and possibly pain (if you and your partner are into that) in a way that's exciting and fun. A healthy BDSM relationship can be cultivated with dirty talk, which allows you and your partner to explicitly state your desires. Constant communication is key to any healthy relationship, and these BDSM phrases will help get you started.

Dominant Dirty Talk

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In popular culture, doms are often portrayed as cruel and sadistic individuals who intend to make their partner feel uncomfortable or even humiliated rather than fulfilled. (I'm looking at you, Mr. Grey.) But BDSM takes on many forms, and while a dom is typically a person who likes to have the perceived power in a situation, receiving consent from their partner is still imperative.

"People who explore dominance are rarely wanting to actually control another person completely," Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of Wild Flower, previously told Elite Daily. "Someone who enjoys being dominate is exploring their fantasies of control and what it would be like to have authority over someone." A dom is simply the one to take the reins in a sexual experience, directing their partner in a way that assures mutual excitement and pleasure. If you're looking to be the boss of the bedroom, these phrases will allow you to bring out your inner Dom.

1. "I want to do [insert specific sex position] tonight."

2. "Take your clothes off and get into bed."

3. "Tell me how badly you want it."

4. "Put your mouth here."

5. "Touch yourself for me."

6. "Do it harder/faster/slower."

7. "Don't make any noise until I tell you that you can."

8. "Ask for permission before you come. I want to hear you beg for it."

Submissive Dirty Talk

Despite what the name implies, being a sub is not all about submitting to a dominant partner's commands without question. A sub shouldn't be powerless in BDSM play unless they choose to be. Just like with doms, the role of sub is more nuanced than you might think. A dom seemingly has all the power, but a submissive partner is actually one setting the tone, as subs ultimately decide how much control they wish to surrender to a dom, as well as when to start and stop.

"Generally speaking, the submissive is who the BDSM experience is tailored around," Jean previously explained. "As a Sub, I like being able to exert control and have it taken away or earned by someone else. It’s more about an act of giving versus receiving." Being submissive comes with simultaneous control and vulnerability, depending on your comfort level. If you're looking to initiate a sexual experience in which you relinquish some autonomy, these phrases will give your dominant partner guidance.

9. "Take me any way you want."

10. "What do you want me to do to you?"

11. "What have you always wanted to do to me?"

12. "I want you to take control tonight."

13. "Would you please spank me?"

14. "What position would you like me in?"

15. "How can I make you come?"

BDSM is not an "either-or" situation. You may always take on the role of dom or sub, but other couples who partake in BDSM may alternate roles. Even if you like being in control, you might find taking on the submissive role to be just as satisfying. Playing with power in the bedroom requires the consent of all parties, and with dirty talk, you can assure clear communication and shared expectations.

Sources:

Lola Jean, sex educator and mental health professional

Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of Wild Flower