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9 People Justin Bieber Should Consider Dating Next

Surely by now you've heard the news of the biggest celebrity break-up of the millennium: Justin Bieber and Sofia Richie!

Hm? What's that? Oh, you thought I meant that break-up.

No, c'mon you guys! I'm talking about the highly talked about, hottest celeb couple, Justin and Sofia! Jofia! Sustin! The JBieb man and his Sofa Lady!


OK, fine. Justin and Sofia were never even confirmed dating and no one cares that they quasi-broke up. Happy?

Still, the fact remains Justin had been hanging out with the 18-year-old daughter of Lionel Richie, Sofia, for the last month or so, and now he's not.


So I guess JBiebs is single. (Still? Again?)

Look, the Biebs has been having a rough time when it comes to the dating game recently. His split with Selena Gomez has basically become the dictionary definition of "messy breakup."

And honestly, with the number times he's fallen off stage and forgotten is own lyrics lately, I'm starting to get a little worried about him.

So with all that in mind, I've decided to do my bro Justin a solid by compiling a list of who he should date next.

1. Himself


Look, I'm sorry to be cheesy, but I just really don't think the Biebs is in a place of emotional stability right now. He should maybe spare the ladies that baggage and focus on bettering himself for a while.

2. A Ghost Lady

Columbia Pictures

Ok Biebs, if you really MUST date someone, how about a nice ghost girl? She's probably already been through a lot, including death, so she'll likely be able to handle whatever bullshit you pull.

3. A Sex Doll


You guys know that movie "Lars And The Real Girl," right? I think this could be really transformative for Justin!

4. My 18-Year-Old Cousin, Arianna.


She's a good kid, and that would really make her day. Thanks, JB!

5. My 18-Year-Old Cousin's Best Friend, Melissa.


She's a bitch, but it's best to teach Arianna early on in life that men are trash and all relationships are fleeting.

6. Macklemore


IDK, you guys, I just think these two seem compatible.

7. The Monster From "Stranger Things"


AKA the Demogorgon. Jemogorgon!

8. The Snake He Brought To The 2011 MTV Video Music Awards.


They will forever be my OTP.  BRING BACK THE SNAKE!

9. Taylor Swift


Sorry, obvious joke. But it would be easier to hate them both when they are conveniently grouped together.

I hope this was helpful, Justin! Feel free to hit me up if you need any advice for wooing these gorgeous creatures.