You deserve someone who can give you exactly the type of love you need.
One thing that I've learned over the years, through lots of relationships both good and bad, is that one of the most important factors in relationship success (or failure) is balance — balance of commitment, balance of desire, balance of love. Relationships take work, so you both have to be equally invested if you're going to be happy and if you're going to go the distance. So when you love someone more than they love you, it’s time to ask yourself if that's really the kind of relationship that you want. Is this person really the right fit? Do I deserve more?
If this sounds familiar, know that I've been in your shoes, and it sucks. Maybe you're telling yourself that you love them enough for the both of you, or that they love you too but just need to catch up. When it comes to matters of the heart, anything is possible. But is it likely? To answer that and more, I reached out to the experts to get their take on loving someone more than they love you. I asked if this kind of relationship is even healthy, and if it's one worth fighting for. Here is what they had to say.
So, now what? Is the relationship automatically a lost cause? Is there nothing left to do but to just pack your things and leave? Well, not necessarily. Dr. Wish says if this is a relationship you really want to work, and your partner is willing to do the work with you, there is also the option of counseling. In fact, she recommends you give that a shot before grabbing your luggage and calling the movers. Unless, of course, you’re being treated in a manipulative or controlling way, in which case you have every right to get out of there fast.
“Before you decide to leave, get counseling to see if your view of the relationship is accurate or healthy," says Dr. Wish. "Learn ways to express your feelings of not being loved, and develop a different understanding of how you and your partner show love.” She also adds, “Counseling can help undo and redo these communication styles so that both partners feel loved. Remember, you can always leave — but don't leave home without understanding and counseling.”
However, if your partner isn’t willing to invest in the relationship and do the work, well, White says it's officially time to cut the cord on this relationship. “It is never okay to just accept the bare minimum from someone; it's called settling,” she explains. While that may sound brutal in the moment, the truth is you need to be free in order to find a better and more fulfilling love. “Stand your ground and clear space for the real thing,” says White.
Remember: You deserve to be loved just as powerfully and passionately as you love.
Experts:
Alexis Nicole White, relationship expert and author
Dr. Lesliebeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist and founder of LoveVictory.com
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