Elite Daily

Lez Get You Laid: How Lesbians Have Sex, As Told Through Ice Cream Sundaes

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People are constantly asking me, "How do lesbians have sex?" Or, "What defines sex in the lesbian community?!" Or "How do you know if you've had sex as a lesbian?"

Well darlings, there was a time when I had no clue how to answer these questions myself. In fact, when I first came out of that cold, dark, repressive closet, I found myself shamefully typing, "how do lesbians have sex" into Google.

And google didn't seem to know either. All I got was links upon links, upon links of lesbian porn.

And even I knew that shit was fake. Even I knew those wicked nails would rip apart a girl's insides. Even I knew that lesbian porn was for the eyes of STRAIGHT MEN and STRAIGHT MEN only.

But you know what I've learned after years and year of being a wild lesbian on the scene? Lesbian sex is in the eye of the lesbian beholder.

Lesbian sex is in the eye of the lesbian beholder.

You ask 100 different lesbians and they will all provide you with a different answer as to what, exactly, lesbian sex is. Some say it's with a strap-on. Other's say it's when you have oral sex. Some lesbians (me) think it's whenever you have an orgasm.

The beauty in being gay is that there are no more hard and fast rules. Us queers are a wildly rebellious bunch, and we don't adhere to strict, stifling definitions.

Nah, we prefer to live outside the box. Thank god, because you know I spent enough time locked in a stale closet, the last thing in the world I want to do is live in a fucking cardboard box.

If we want to break it down simply, lesbian sex is sort of like making sweet treats.

Ice cream sundaes, to be specific.

You see, different people have different definitions of what exactly makes an ice-cream sundae, well, a sundae. Some require bananas, others, lots of fancy rainbow sprinkles, and still others believe it's only a sundae if you eat it on a Sunday.

I say lesbian sex is only a sundae if I finish (aka have an orgasm). So today, I decided that I would provide a little video demonstration about making ice-cream sundaes.

After all, it's still hot outside, girl. And when things get really hot, and really sexy, the only thing left to do is eat a sweet ice cream sundae with a cherry on top.

So let me, your big lesbian older sister, teach you all the ways us lesbian's like to eat and make sundaes.