9 More Lesbian Sex Questions You’ve Had But Have Been Too Afraid To Ask

by Zara Barrie

Welcome back, my heterosexual kittens, my hyper-questioning lovely ladies of this fine, ever-spinning world, my slew of gorgeous queer queens, my irrepressibly curious straight boys (Damn, are you boy creatures curious!).

It was just shy of two weeks ago that I penned a detailed article entitled "12 Lesbian Sex Questions You've Had But Have Been Too Afraid To Ask."

Together, we navigated the dark and tempestuous waters of scissoring (Yes, it's really a thing), the elusive definition of lesbian sex, the purpose of having sex with a dildo over a real dick (key note: Dildos aren't dicks, darlings), strap-ons and gender roles within lesbian relationships.

A ton of fun was had, and a ton of information was learned by all. In fact, we had such a grand ol' time discussing lesbian sex that I decided to do a part two.

That's right, pretty babes. Part mother f*cking two. It's your lucky day.

For those of you just stumbling upon this crazy lesbian sex article, allow me to provide you with a brief debrief: I was tired of all of my straight friends inundating me with drunken questions about how my lovers and I manage our sex and relationship lives as lesbians.

I figured, f*ck it, lez clear it up once and for all. So I dutifully sent out an anonymous survey to 29 self-identified heterosexual Millennials (ages 18 to 34) asking them for their deepest and darkest questions about queer girl sex. I assured them NO topic was off limits, and I would approach everything free of judgment (How else can one learn?).

I answered 12 of their questions in my previous article, and now I'm here and queer and ready to finish off the rest.

Disclaimer: I'm not (repeat: NOT), the reigning Queen Dyke authority. I'm not the CEO of the National Justice League of Lesbians. And I'm most definitely NOT speaking on behalf of the entire queer girl community.

One of the many things I love so dearly about being a queer is the colorful, diverse array of experiences, fetishes and relationship dynamics scattered throughout our fascinating community.

This is just my experience. Just one queer girl perspective on the giant queer girl spectrum.

But one is better than none, right?

1. If you're bad at oral, are you considered hopeless in the sack?

Oral is definitely a big contender in the game of sex. However, it's not the only way we have sex. We are blessed with fingers, toys, scissoring, humping and a stealth slew of other sexual positions to play with.

But we do like oral. In fact, I have yet to meet a lesbian who isn't authentically passionate about the art of going down.

And to be honest, most women are pretty f*cking amazing at oral sex.

See, when you have the same exact parts as your partner, you inherently understand the rhythm of what feels good.

Not all girls like to receive oral the same way. Every vagina is entirely different and equipped with its very own trigger spots that are unique to the individual girl.

Some girls like a fast and rhythmic tongue. Others prefer it to be slow and delicate. The possibilities are endless, which is why it's so direly important (I'm talking to you boys) to not treat every vagina the same.

Listen to your girl's body. Ask questions about what she likes. That's what us lezzies do, and that's just one of the reasons we are so damn talented at the art of oral.

The other reason I believe girls are so good at oral sex is that we tend to be selfless creatures eager to please our partners. I know personally, I can get off just as intensely from pleasing my partner as I can from when she pleases me.

It's like anything in life: You're better when you're enjoying yourself.

2. How do you determine what you are/are not going to do in bed if the definition of sex is more flexible? In other words, do you have to give oral every single time?

As I stated in my original Lesbian Sex 101, our definition of sex is definitely more flexible than it is in the heteronormative world. However, drawing upon my own personal experiences, reaching an orgasm tends to be the ultimate goal.

It doesn't matter how we get there, so long as we get there.

Queer girl sex is extremely intimate. We aren't afraid to get up close and personal. Maybe it's because we don't have dicks attached to us that we can simply stick into our partner. I don't know.

We also talk about sh*t. We set pretty blunt boundaries (lesbians tend to be the bluntest bitches on the block). So even though we love oral with a fervent passion, we don't have to have it in order for what we're doing to be deemed SEX.

Sometimes we just use toys. Sometimes we like to get down and dirty with our bare hands. Sometimes we just scissor the f*cking night away.

3. Why is scissoring even a thing? It seems fairly pointless.

Scissoring is an advanced move. It's not for the weak. It requires coordination, and oftentimes comes with an accidental kick in the head. But that doesn't make it pointless.

If you can manage to get into the rhythm of scissoring, it's pretty mind-blowing. The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as a man's d*ck. So imagine the fireworks that explode like stars across the sky when two clitorises are stimulated at once by one another?

4. Does a strap-on or dildo really replace a penis, sensation-wise?

Dildos are beautiful things.

You can get them in a plethora of shapes and sizes and pretty pastel colors perfectly suited to your body. There are dildos specifically designed to hit your G-spot. There are double-sided dildos with bulging veins. There are dildos you can hold in pretty leather harness and get f*cked with. Some of them even vibrate.

Personally speaking, I think they're better than a penis. No comparison. But that could just be because I'm an exclusively lady-loving dyke who is put off (sexually) by a boy body (no disrespect, gents).

5. I've heard that lesbians become committed much faster than gay-guy or hetero relationships. Is that true?

I wish I could say the stereotype wasn't true, but for most of us, well, it is.

Surely you've heard the famous joke: "What does a lesbian bring to a second date?"

Wait for it....


Clever, right?

So why? What is it that makes girls such intense creatures who know what the f*ck they want and just go for it?

It's because we are unafraid of commitment. We trust our gut. We aren't afraid to confront our feelings.

If two women start to feel something beautiful happening between them, they will fearlessly pull the trigger without hesitation.

6. Do you miss having sex with guys?

F*ck no.

7. Do you want a dude involved if you want a threesome?

How do I put this delicately? F*ck no.

I love men as friends, co-workers and co-conspirators, but nothing turns me on about a man.

I'm attracted to women physically, emotionally, spiritually. The way she smells and the way she moves.

Plus, if I saw a GUY put his hand on MY GIRL during sex, holy hell. I don't know what I might do to him. Hopefully it wouldn't involve first-degree murder.

8. How often are strap-ons NOT used? Are there lesbians who don't use dildos?

Toy are just that: toys.

Strap-ons, dildos -- they're all just icing on the big sex cake. The cake is good on its own too.

Yeah, they're all fun to play with, but I'm not dependent on them in order to have good sex. I was two years deep into my lesbianism before I even began to dabble in all that, and I was still having pretty f*cking amazing sex.

While I undoubtedly enjoy using them, I don't need them at all. And I do know some lesbians who don't use them at all. We're pretty talented without all that riffraff.

9. What does it feel like to take over the role that a heterosexual male would normally take?

I was born into a very heterosexual, gender-role-oriented existence. I'm the daughter of a proper gentleman, who catered to us girls like it was his job.

When I first came out, I was terrified I would have to abandon being treated like a lady (which I enjoy). I was terrified as f*ck to open a door for a girl or pick her up for a date or buy her roses. I couldn't imagine doing traditionally "male" romantic things for my girlfriend.

But then, I fell into the tranquil sea of love. And all I WANTED was to do those lovely little "boyfriend" things for my girlfriend. And she did them to me back.

It felt like this beautiful, equal dynamic. I ordered the wine. She held open the door. We just did what felt right without the pressure of gender stereotypes.

I came to find it was the most natural thing in the world to buy flowers for my girlfriend.

Manners and acts of kindness have no gender, kittens.