If Your Relationship Is Like A Nicholas Sparks Romance, It's Not Healthy
Remember the scene from "The Notebook" where it's raining (of course), and Allie and Noah share the romantic kiss they were always fated to have, reaffirming their love after so long.
There's no denying how dramatic it is, yet we eat it right up.
Often, we say our own fierce moments, like Noah and Allie's, are cliche, like when we're fighting with our SOs and it starts to rain, or when we try pushing away from our lovers, only to be pulled back in out of desperation.
We give in to these moments because we don't want to give up on something that, well, did really great at the box office. I mean, everyone wants tumultuous, sexy, drama-driven relationships, right?
But passion tends to blind us to what's really going on, which is usually something dangerous.
I was stuck in a world of passion, unable to understand that all my heart wanted was calm.
My first love was like this — riveting, unruly and unimaginably intense. I was stuck in a world of passion, unable to understand that all my heart wanted was calm.
I actually wanted a relationship where I could breathe and where I could thrive with my SO, not for him. I needed someone who brought stability into my life, not chaos.
My first love was filled with such dramatic moments, like how, whenever we fought, it was almost always raining. And even when it wasn't, we created our own storm, thrashing around our slanderous words until we crumbled.
At that time, it took so long for me to realize that love didn't always have to be desperate and full of drama.
See, Nicholas Sparks is famous for depicting couples we idolize and whom we are undeniably drawn to. But when comparing our own relationships to those of the characters in romance stories, we'll probably find ourselves in trouble.
Think about why we like stories like "The Notebook" or "Dear John." The constant push and pull seems entertaining and mysterious to us. But in reality, that push and pull isn't healthy for anyone beyond a two-hour movie.
So, if you find yourself saying things about your SO like, “he's so dramatic,” “she thinks this is a movie” or “God, I could write a book about how dramatic we are,” ask yourself these four questions:
Why does your relationship remind you of these movies or novels?
Are you comparing the love you and your SO feel to the love of John and Savannah in "Dear John" because you think it can cross borders or because you can feel it even when you're apart?
Or, on the other hand, do you feel your love is similar because you never know what's going to happen since it's unstable and wild?
If you're leaning toward the latter, then your relationship may actually be a toxic situation.
Is your relationship healthy?
If you constantly find yourselves fighting in the rain (or fighting in general), do you brush it off or do you question it?
The problem with striving to have a relationship like the ones in romance stories is, you might not acknowledge your own drama as a problem. After all, fighting shows passion, right?
But using these idolized relationships as an excuse for the recurring fights you have with your SO could blind you to what's really going on.
A healthy relationship doesn't feel like a roller coaster (at least not all the time).
Is it worth it?
Love is a powerful thing — there's no denying that. But if you find your relationship is constantly driven by whatever drama you two have going on at the time, ask yourself if it's really worth it.
Do you want to be with someone whose love for you constantly fluctuates?
Do you want to be with someone whose love for you constantly fluctuates? Do want to surround yourself with a person who makes a big production out of every fight?
Obviously, you can work through times of uncertainty, but it's essential that you weigh out the consequences.
What do you really want?
Sometimes, it takes years for someone to realize a relationship they're in is a toxic one.
The malleability of love can be a thrilling high, and the insane ways it can change to fit two people can become addicting.
But ask yourself what you truly want out of a relationship. If you want a stable love, but you still want to keep things exciting, then a constantly-changing roller coaster may not be the perfect solution.
At the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself. And what you truly want should be your top priority.