I'm currently being ghosted by two different guys. It's very cool. You can congratulate me later. I mean, I always knew I was good at multitasking, but I never realized I had this in me!
It's hard to predict who will ghost me, and I guess the answer is that it really could be anyone. Whether you are dating a doctor or a deadbeat, there's always the potential that they could disappear from your life at any minute. Isn't dating fun?
Don't you wish that there was some sort of litmus test when you swipe on someone to tell if they will ghost you just by looking at their profile? Well, wish no longer. Because I made one.
These are the five types of people on Tinder who are most likely to ghost you, based on their profile pics. Share with your friends. They deserve a warning!
1. Faux Male Feminist
Watch out for pics at protests, rallies, campaigning for Hillary Clinton, or clothing that says "Feminist."
This woke guy is only worrying about one thing — how soon he can ghost you. Because it is hard for him to handle dating right now between his busy schedule of rallies, marches, and mansplaining women's rights to any woman who will listen. Actually, it doesn't matter if you want to listen, because he's going to talk about it anyway.
Faux male feminist says he is sex and body positive, but he is not woke enough to actually really want to date a living, breathing, human woman who is comfortable about sex or who has a body in a shape faux male feminist has not seen on the cover of a magazine.
Watch out for the faux male feminist, because he likes to date and ditch, just to mansplain to you his weird agenda.
2. Tattooed Bad Boy
Watch out for skateboarding pictures, photos of him getting tattoos, binge-drinking, motorcycles, and emo nights.
This is obvious, right? The tattooed bad boy is going to skateboard his way in and out of your heart. He might get a stick and poke tattoo of your name on his ankle on your first date, but then, he will ghost you, and you will absolutely never hear from him again.
Tattooed bad boy is also the type to make up a rumor about you and spread it to all of his friends, like maybe that you're crazy, or even that you two hooked up. So watch out for the tattooed bad boy. He will break your heart, and then ghost his way out of it en route to the skate park.
3. "Focused On My Career Right Now" Dude
Watch out for private planes, TED Talks, laptops, nice houses, swimming pools, and a jet-setting lifestyle.
Strangely enough, I am currently being ghosted by a ~*fOcuSeD oN mY cAreEr RiGhT nOw*~ bro.
You have a panel you are leading? Good for you. A business conference you're flying out for? Sounds fun. Closing escrow on a house? That's awesome — definitely not doing that in my lifetime. But if so, don't ask me out, text me every few days, not respond, then text me a week later — not to mention never ask me out again.
Maybe this is more breadcrumbing and not ghosting (though it'll certainly evolve into that), but either way, "focused on my career" guy has no room for dating right now because he is, well, focused on his career.
4. Extremely Model-y Male Model
Watch out for their entire modeling portfolio on Tinder.
Let's face it: The extremely hot male model is probably a catfish and might ghost you before the date even starts. If all of his photos are pictures from his modeling portfolio, then can you really be sure that it's him anyway?
This guy isn't looking for a girlfriend. He's looking for an ego boost or a human selfie stick — a partner he can use to constantly take photos of him lying down shirtless in the street and posing against old, vintage, beige Mercedes convertibles that aren't his.
Unless you are a tripod looking to take a few photos and then get ghosted soon, don't swipe right on male models.
5. The Dork
Watch out for stand up comedy pics, writers rooms, cosplay, larping, Comic Con
The dork is a surprising ghoster because when you date a conventional "nerd," you think you might be settling. It's a safe bet. What could possibly go wrong? The answer is everything. It turns out that anyone can break your heart, whether they are tall, dark, and handsome, or Dungeons & Dragons master. (I have been ghosted by both.)
The dork comes on hard and fast because he feels lucky to have you. But soon, he might get an ego, think he can do better, and begin to disappear out of your life. Boom! Ghosted.
So I guess what it comes down to is this: Anyone can ghost you. It doesn't matter who they are. But remember what I always say: Rejection is actually protection. You didn't actually want to be dating that tattooed bad boy anyway, did you?
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