This week we have Kelly* who was ghosted by the guy she was exclusive with after being together for six months:
I was a few months out of a relationship. The breakup hit me hard, but I got myself back up and pulled myself together.
I started going out again, and my friend suggested I make a Tinder profile. At first it was extremely weird, it was like a whole new world.
The first time I went on a date with a match, I had my friends come and watch because I did not want to become a news story. It went well and the guy was nice, but I kept swiping. One day, I matched with this guy who I didn't think was completely my type, but he was cute.
On our first date we planned to meet at a bar for drinks, then go to his friend's show. My phone died on my way to the date, and I couldn't let him know I was there. Apparently, he was trying to get in touch with me to tell me he was running late. We had a great night and talked endlessly. Never at any moment did it feel odd or forced. After 30 minutes, I was going to get up and leave but something in me told me to wait it out. He finally walked in, and we had a great night and talked endlessly. Never at any moment did it feel odd or forced. We started hanging out more and more. I was getting ready to graduate from college so he understood my busy schedule and I understood his late hours of working. There was so much mutual respect and understanding.
After three months of dating, he had to go away for work for three weeks. We both expressed how long those three weeks would be without seeing each other, so I booked a flight to go visit him. We had a magical time in Florida. There was so much mutual respect and understanding. This was blossoming into something straight out of a modern-day fairytale. We would read together; he randomly sent me poems and called me in the middle of the day.
On my birthday, we were on the rooftop and saw a shooting star. I felt so confident and equally challenged being with him. We were never "official," but we agreed to be exclusive.
Six months in, we decided to go on a trip abroad. For weeks, we were playing around with different locations until we finally we found cheap tickets to South America.
Two weeks before our trip, I was over his apartment for dinner. I was plugging my phone in next to his bed when I saw earrings. We never had an official relationship but we agreed to be exclusive. At the time, I didn't think too much of it. I asked them where they were from, and he said his roommate had let him borrow them. That was that and I let it go. The days leading to our departure, there was just a weird vibe in the communication. When we arrived in South America, things still were feeling off. I texted my friend to see if I was overreacting.
I was sitting on the couch of our Airbnb waiting for him to get ready to go out to dinner when a message popped up from a unsaved number. It said, “I can't wait until we can go back there together.”
WHAT?! My mind was racing with thoughts. I didn't want out trip to be ruined. At dinner, I just had to get [my feelings] off my chest so we could truly enjoy the rest of our trip together. I brought up the earrings again. and he said let's FaceTime my roommate right now, but I wanted to take his word.
So we hashed that out, or at least I felt like we did. He also explained that the text was from a friend (a guy) who he had travelled with before.
On our way back to the states, we had a layover in Florida but were going home in separate ways because he stopped to see family. Little did I know that that was going to be the last time we saw each other.
Our communication after the trip died out. He was unresponsive and stopped making an effort to hang out. I would call, text, FaceTime and get a “Whats up?” in response.
I'm not a fan of hounding people that don't want to talk, so I left it alone hoping it would give him the space to reach out. On our way back to the states, we had a layover in Florida but were going home in separate ways because he stopped to see family. Little did I know, that that was going to be the last time we saw each other.. Two months went by without a word.
I finally mustered up the courage to develop pictures from our trip. I sent them to him, wishing him well and letting him know that I was thinking about him. All I got was a text about him traveling out of the country.
Another month later... Did we talk in person (let alone at all)? No.
The classic "Send a random emoji and see what response I get:"
I sent him a message on Thanksgiving just to tell him I was thinking about him... and he... was in Vietnam... Then Manila. For what exactly? Not sure. A few months later, I tried to reach out again because I was still hurt and confused. He said. “I'm sorry, I know sorry will never be enough and I've hurt a lot of people.”
"At least I got a sorry (?)," I thought to myself. But there was still no explanation. On my birthday weekend, I was out with friends, and my best friend was in town. We were walking down the street, and when we turned the corner… he was standing there… with his roommate.
I was in complete shock. I literally stopped dead in my tracks. He came up to me and I had a hard time looking at him. Something came over my body. I was in shock.
He was small talking me like we were friends who hadn't seen each other in a few months. In the middle of him talking, I grabbed my friend and said, “We have to go.”
I felt tears coming, and I did not want him to see me cry, especially because they were tears over him.
I walked away, then, when I was out his view, started running to get as far away as possible. The tears came and they did not stop. I contemplated digging into my computer to find his number again, but why should I be the one to reach out? I couldn't bring myself to it. I am still confused.
A year later I still play back conversations, wondering where it all went wrong. But I get a mix of anger and sadness, thinking about how he couldn't respect my feelings enough to even talk to me about why he GHOSTED.
OK, guys. I know there were other details here (like, um, idk the fact that they went on VACATION TOGETHER TO ANOTHER CONTINENT) that make this ghosting surprising, but I think the weirdest part of it all is the whole earrings situation.
This guy was a douche from the start, and we never even
really got an explanation for anything he did wrong.
What do you think of all this? Have you ever been through a situation like this? Do you know where he's coming from? Let me know your thoughts below!
Names have been changed.