It can be really hard deciding whether or not to end a relationship when you're constantly wondering, "Is my relationship over?" When we love someone, and we've invested time and energy into the relationship, it can be really difficult to know when to stay and when to go. And sometimes, we may stick around longer than we should, even if there are red flags, like feeling disgusted by a partner or feeling like your partner never puts you first.
As matchmaker and Exclusive Matching CEO Susan Trombetti tells Elite Daily, it's rare that our feelings are wrong when we've been dissatisfied in a relationship. "It might be time to have that break up conversation and call it quits," she says. "How do you know? Really, all [signs] echo a similar vibe of discontent, a lack of foundation to build on or to continue building something special on, or just a feeling there is no return on your investment of love and time."
Still, it's sometimes hard to decide whether you should stick around or call it quits, so I spoke to some experts to help you figure out. If you've been wondering if your relationship is over and how to know if you should break up with your partner, then here are some signs you’ve likely fallen out of love already.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Like You’re Not A Priority
If you feel like you're constantly playing second fiddle to... well, anything, then it might be time to pull the plug on your relationship. "The most important element of dating comes down to one word: consistency,” Alessandra Conti, matchmaker at Matchmakers in the City, tells Elite Daily. “Any guy can play the part of being an awesome boyfriend for a night: bring you out to a great restaurant, be super gentlemanly, and ask you a million questions and whisper sweet nothings until the sun comes up.” But according to Conti, if your partner can't keep the romance and affection going over time, something is wrong.
Trombetti agrees and says, in a relationship that's on its last leg, you'll feel like everyone or everything else is more important: "Sunday football, work, his mother — you might be 4th or 5th on their list."
If this is how you've been feeling, Conti says to try to hash it out before ending it. "Before unilaterally calling it quits, have a talk with him letting him know that you want to spend more quality time with him, and see how he implements this constructive feedback,” she suggests. " If your partner really cares about you, then they will be open to making some changes in their behavior. And if they don’t, then it’s confirmation that it’s time to move on. You deserve to be someone’s priority.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Inadequate
If you start to feel consistently inadequate in your relationship, this should be a huge deal-breaker for anyone. "Your partner should make you feel like you are the best version of your self: beautiful, sexy, smart," Conti explains. "He should make you feel like you are the most incredible woman in the world in his eyes and that he is so lucky that you are committed to him."
But if they don’t, and instead are constantly talking about how sexy other people are or — even worse — putting you down or making you feel bad on purpose, cut them loose. "This is not someone who is helping you become the best version of yourself,” Conti adds. “This is someone who is tearing your confidence so that he can feel as though he is more powerful."
According to Trombetti, when you feel like your partner isn't all that committed to your well-being, or that you don't feel emotionally secure when you are with them, it's time to get out. No relationship is worth feeling inadequate, and if your partner is making you feel this way, leave ASAP.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Like You're Being Controlled
Being a controlling partner is never a good look, so if your relationship has veered down that path or even started out that way, you should end it without looking back. Conti says that in a healthy relationship, you should constantly feel supported and valued, not like you can't do anything without their permission. If you feel suffocated, this could be the beginning of something a lot worse.
"If you feel like your every move is being judged, you feel like you need to ask your partner permission to do basic tasks, or like he is monitoring your every behavior, blowing up if you do not text him back within the hour, these are major red flags and can lead to something more dangerous in the future," she says.
Trombetti says that if you feel abused or mistreated in any way, or if you feel like you are being held back because of them, these are also signs you should call it quits on your relationship. If the relationship has already gotten to a point where you are nervous about leaving, then you should ask for help to get out as soon as you can.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Suspicious
If a nagging feeling of suspicion just won't leave you (Conti calls this feeling "obsessively suspicious"), the relationship is on its last leg. So it's important to establish what healthy suspicion at the start of a relationship is and what a serious red flag is. "In any relationship, it is normal to have a healthy amount of suspicions, until you get to know the guy to know that he is a trustworthy person with a solid set of values. But, if you wake up every day with a sinking feeling that he is cheating on you, you sneak through his texts on the daily, and spend hours trying to hack into his email, this is not a healthy amount of suspicion," she explains.
It's not that you won't have a responsibility in this, too: If you are snooping around so much, that's not good. And the thing is, you're probably snooping because there's a significant underlying lack of trust, meaning your relationship isn't healthy. It’s not always easy to admit you don’t trust your partner, but according to Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, if you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior, then you probably don’t fully truly your SO.
“Are you constantly justifying their behavior to yourself and others?” Ury asks. “For example, if they’re late to every date or cancel on you at the last minute, do you explain it away by blaming their busy work schedule? When you see them being rude to family members and friends, do you brush it off because you know they haven’t been sleeping well lately?” As much as you might want to overlook these things, they may be signs that this isn’t the right relationship.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Disgusted
It's normal to have ups and downs in your sex life in a long-term relationship. As Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, previously told Elite Daily, “Levels of sexual desire fluctuate over the course of a lifetime and ebbs and flows are perfectly normal. A decline in desire is not necessarily an indication of a problem and there is no ideal baseline for levels of desire.”
However, if you actually get to the point where you think, “My husband disgusts me,” or you don't want to even touch your partner physically, you probably won't have a functioning relationship for that much longer. Trombetti says that it can be pretty extreme: "[If] you don't feel like kissing them or want to kiss them because they gross you out," it's time to end it, for both of your sakes.
Not only that, but if you literally feel like cringing when they try to touch you, there's no going back. You may even realize that it's not just their physical presence you feel disgusted with — it's who they are as a person. "[If] you don't feel you respect and admire your significant other, then you need to pull the plug ASAP!" Trombetti adds. A significant and ongoing feeling of disgust for your partner isn't likely to be healed. Instead, you're better off ending things, because both you and your partner deserve more.
Your Relationship Might Be Over If You Feel Nothing
A hallmark sign that a relationship is about to die is if you have gone through a rollercoaster of negative feelings, and now, you literally feel nothing. As Conti explains, you know it has turned from healthy to unhealthy when all the feelings have left you. "When you are in a relationship, you will experience a cocktail of emotions: You will feel a little jealousy when you think about him with another girl, you will miss him when you are not with him, and you will feel excited when you are about to see him,” she says.
And if you don't feel those things, then it's better just to let your partner go. It's not always easy, though, according to Conti. "These are the toughest relationships to break out of because it is not as though you don't love him, you are just not in love with him,” she adds.
Breakups are truly never easy. It's hard to let go of someone with whom you connected, even if it was just for a short time. But if you feel any of these things in your relationship, it's better to end things in a healthy way rather than of sticking around for them to get even worse.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and Exclusive Matching CEO
Alessandra Conti, matchmaker at Matchmakers in the City
Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge
Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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