The truth is, not everyone’s love language is physical touch. So, for some people, it plays more of an important role in terms of relationship satisfaction than it does for others. However, physical touch definitely breeds intimacy and trust and also contributes to how sexy your relationship is overall. Something as simple as a lingering kiss, a playful butt squeeze, or a sensual shoulder rub makes you and your partner feel connected to each other.
That means that if sex is the only time you and bae are making physical contact, then that spark may have faded somewhat. Do you know how your partner prefers to be touched, and do they know what kind of touch makes you feel loved and appreciated? Have you spontaneously wrapped your arms around them while they’re washing the dishes lately? Have they randomly given you a smooch while you were watching a movie, or held your hand while running an errand? Pay attention to how many of these kinds of affectionate gestures you participate in because they can be a solid indicator of how sexy your relationship is.
So, you’re starting to realize that your relationship is less than sexy. Now what? Fortunately, Martinez says you’re not powerless — there are certainly ways to get out of your rut and reignite the spark. Martinez advises thinking back to the early stages of your relationship to recall what worked rather than reinventing the wheel.
“At one point you both were doing things regularly that you found sexy, so start there,” she says. “One of the easiest ways to get someone back into the flow of things is to remind them that they turn you on and that you want them. Leave them notes, send them texts, change up the sexual routine, get intimate in non-sexual ways.”
But that’s not to say that novelty doesn’t play a part in keeping things exciting, either.
“A lot of people stop feeling sexy because their partner's attention wasn't the same even if nothing changed,” Martinez explains. “In other words, you could have been doing all of the same things that used to turn them on, but they may have become desensitized to it. You need to ramp it up.”
Infusing some spontaneity and elements of surprise into your relationship, keeping the flirting and courting going, and finding new ways to connect physically are all ways to give your relationship the jolt it may need. Remember — the more effort you put into keeping your relationship sexy, the more your SO will likely feel inclined to do the same. It’s a team effort, after all. The point is, while you may be beyond the honeymoon phase, that doesn’t mean you can’t reclaim that sense of wanting your partner oh so badly and feeling just as wanted back. And what’s sexier than that?