This Is How Often Long-Term Couples Should Ideally Be Having Sex

by Alison Segel

Sometimes, when you first start dating someone, you're having sex every day — two or three times a day even. I've had relationships where I can hardly even leave the bed, except to pee or get a glass of water.

But once your relationship continues, and you've been dating for months or years, it's easy for the spark in your sex life to disappear.

That guy you once wanted to make out with all the time suddenly becomes a roommate you're annoyed you have to clean up after. You start wearing your retainer to bed, and you only have sex on special occasions, like anniversaries and definitely only his birthday.

And since every relationship is different, how much sex is the normal amount of sex for long-term couples to be having? Is there a normal amount?

I reached out to Erika Ettin, a dating coach, to find out how often long-term couples should ideally be having sex.


Sex is a crucial part of relationships. Besides being the main component of what distinguishes dating from friendship, Ettin also notes that sex is important because it releases the hormone oxytocin, which chemically bonds couples.

However, there's no rulebook as to how often couples should be having sex, according to her.

"In a long-term relationship, there are no set guidelines, nor should there be, as to how often a couple should be having sex," Ettin says. "Every couple is different and needs different things to satisfy them."

However, that doesn't mean you and your partner shouldn't talk about it with each other. "What is important, though, is that the couple is in (or can come to — no pun intended) agreement about how often sex should happen," she continues.

So that means there should be open and honest communication about how horny you are and how often you need that horniness satisfied. And don't take it personally if one of you has a stronger libido than the other.

George Rudy/Shutterstock

Additionally, in long-term relationships, the amount of sex you're having can ebb and flow based on things that are going on in your everyday life, such as work, family, or financial stress.

Ettin says,  "If one partner wants sex every two days, and the other wants it once a month, their expectations are misaligned, and neither will end up satisfied. Communication is the key to working through how often you should have sex, at any stage of a relationship."

So, basically the answer is that the amount of sex each couple has, or should have, will be different.

When it comes to sex, there is no should, but what couples should do is be open about if they're content with the level of intimacy going on in their relationship.

Come to a common agreement about how much sex you'd ideally like to be having, and try to stick to it, but make it as spontaneous as possible.

There's nothing less sexy than scheduled sex.