Undoubtedly, texting with an ex is akin to playing with fire. Sure, sometimes you get a thrill out of knowing your former flame still wants you, but unless you’ve actually worked through your differences and are committed to giving your relationship another shot, keeping up contact can be dangerous territory. Once you’ve decided to cease communication, the question is: What’s the best text to send your ex to get the message across that you're not interested? Obviously, you still care for this person, so you need to know how to tell your ex to stop texting you nicely.
To be clear, there’s no shame in the fact that you’ve been talking to your ex — it’s actually super common. However, if you’re trying to get over your relationship, maintaining contact over text can make it challenging for you both to move on. Instead of complaining to your friends, “My ex won't stop texting me,” or “My ex won't stop contacting me,” it’s time to be proactive and cut ties. But that may be easier said than done.
According to Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and host of Thank You Heartbreak podcast, there’s a certain formula you can stick to that may prove effective in getting the message across. Trescott says the best approach is to be firm and unemotional without being accusatory. “Rather than telling them what to do, tell them what you are no longer going to do,” she explained. If you need help initiating no contact with your ex, you might want to consider these four questions first.
Is It OK To Ask An Ex To Stop Texting You?
Relationship coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast, Trina Leckie, tells Elite Daily it is “absolutely” OK for you to ask an ex to stop reaching out. Not only do you have the right to “ask anyone to not text you,” but you especially can ask “an ex who you are trying to move on from.” The sooner you’re both able to cut ties, the sooner you can heal.
Of course, Trescott says that you should first try approaching the situation with an “I” instead of “you” statement, so you can get your point across without sounding accusatory. So instead of saying, “You have to stop texting me,” you might say, “I have to move on, so I would like the communication between us to stop.”
How Do You Ask An Ex To Stop Texting You?
So, you’ve decided it’s time to say something. The tricky part is now drafting the perfect text to send your ex’s way. It always helps to keep it short and straightforward. You don’t want to leave anything up to interpretation. Leckie even suggests you simply say, “Please respect that I no longer want to be in communication because it’s holding me back from moving forward with my life.” You’ll notice that this example really takes ownership of the situation.
Leckie even says if the relationship ended badly, “you don’t even ‘ask.’ You automatically block.” This may seem harsh or petty, but as Leckie puts it, “It’s a way to protect your peace” and “you don’t need to keep any windows open.”
Why Is It A Good Idea To Ask An Ex To Stop Texting You?
If you’re still on the fence, the time to stop worrying is now. As it’s commonly said, they’re an ex for a reason. You have chosen to end your relationship. “That chapter of your life is closed,” Leckie points out, adding, “You won’t be able to move on at a healthy pace if you are still in contact with your ex.”
It’s always a good idea to prioritize your well-being, as hard as it may be to do so. You could even frame your text with this ideology in mind by saying something like, “It’s time I move on now that our relationship has ended. I would like to stop any communication we have.”
What Should You Do If An Ex Won't Stop After You Ask?
If you felt weird about blocking your ex before, you should definitely not feel bad about it now. You’ve made it very clear that you would like them to stop reaching out. At this point, Leckie says it’s time to “block them. No explanations needed.” By continually texting you after you’ve asked them to stop, they are no longer “respecting you.” This could be one of the reasons you broke up in the first place, and it’s time to cut the toxicity out of your life. “You need to remove the negativity, which are habits, things, and people who bring you down,” according to Leckie.
Trescott agrees, saying it’s time to “rise above the noise.” As she explained, “Instead of trying to talk sense into them and the situation, silence may be your best and final option. Eventually, your silence will speak volumes because silence is the most destabilizing, not to mention the loudest, response of all.”
Remember: Your emotional health comes first. If hearing from your former SO is taking its toll on you in any way, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own well-being just because it feels awkward to try and end the conversation. The best thing you can do is to remain clear, calm, and level-headed while avoiding any accusations, questions, or threats. All it takes is one message to get your point across. It may not be easy, but it is well worth the effort if you’re looking to leave the past where it belongs: in the past.
Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and host of Thank You Heartbreak podcast
Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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