Ready to turn yourself on?
Tell me if this sounds familiar: There you are, hanging out with your partner, just minding your own business when they begin giving you "the look.” You know what this means — they're hoping for a little quality naked time. That's sweet. Everyone wants to know they're desirable, but here's the problem: You’re not totally in the mood yet. So, you think, "Why the hell not?" It's in moments like these when you need to know how to get wet fast.
Just because you aren't feeling it right this second doesn't mean you can't get there quickly, if you know what to do and want to have sex. “Every body is different, so the time it takes you to get physically aroused might be different than someone else,” sex and pleasure educator Luna Matatas tells Elite Daily. It's all about knowing your body and what turns you on. So before you find yourself in this situation, get familiar with masturbation to learn how to touch yourself and what kinds of things get your number one sex organ fired up — I'm talking about your brain.
And no matter how much your partner wants sex, remember that you never have to do something you aren’t comfortable doing. “If your body's lubrication is telling you that you're not feeling it, honor that feeling,” Matatas says. “You can slow things down, stop everything completely, or change things up. Betraying our bodies gets in the way of our pleasure and could be harmful emotionally and physically.” It’s one thing not to get wet when you want to have sex, but it’s another thing entirely not to get wet when you’d rather go to bed. Your partner should respect your wishes if you communicate directly with them.
That being said, if you do want to get down and dirty, there are ways to get your body going fast. Here is a five-step plan for how to get wet as quickly as possible.
1. Think Sexy Thoughts.
We're all busy people with a million things on our minds. Sometimes, getting in the mood is just about taking a beat, setting aside distractions, and getting into a sexy headspace. “Bring your body and mind into the moment,” Matatas suggests. “Check in with yourself — are you distracted? Worried? Insecure? Do you need different stimulation?” Relax, take a few deep breaths, and focus on things that turn you on. Is it a memory from a particularly hot past encounter? Is it a sex scene from a movie? Or your favorite fantasy? Take a few minutes to get the mental juices flowing… and your body will follow.
2. Communicate With Your Partner.
Want to speed things along? Seek out the things that stimulate you, and share your desires with your partner. What has turned you on in the past? Was it reading erotic stories, particular scenes in movies, a sexy playlist? “Communicate with your partner what you feel like in that moment — more kissing? More touch? Slower pace?” Matatas says. “This can take the pressure off of feeling like you are the slower-to-warm-up one and make it more about meeting each other where you're at.” And hey, keeping your phone on hand for internet inspiration might help get you going, too.
3. Get Into Your Body.
Next, get out of your head! Start experiencing the sensuality of your body. Starting with your head and working slowly down your body, begin focusing on what your body is feeling. Take slow deep breaths and become hyper-aware of sensations, particularly in your erogenous zones. Imagine what it feels like when your partner touches them, and before you know it, you'll be turned on and hungry for that touch.
And when you do get going, tell your partner to take it slow. “Get back into your body by creating some tease,” Matatas suggests. “It's common to go straight for hot spots — nipples, clitoris, and vagina. Instead, give attention with kissing, touching, licking, and sucking to other under-serviced erogenous zones like the neck, back, inner thighs, wrists, scalp, armpits, feet and ears.”
4. Break Out The Sex Toys.
If you had to put a nail through a board, would you do it with your fist? If you had to paint a wall, would you just throw the paint at it? No, of course not. There are tools for those jobs, and you wouldn't hesitate to break them out. Same goes for getting turned on, so don't be afraid to use the right tool for the job. Spend a few minutes warming up with your favorite sex toy, and you'll be wet and ready to roll in no time.SEE M
Toys and other additions to the bedroom can be great for people whose natural vaginal lubrication is compromised (which can happen for many reasons). “Antidepressants, dehydration, marijuana use, not being turned on enough, age, [or] sometimes it's just that person’s body [or] general friction” are all reasons you might not be getting as wet as you’d like to be, according to McKenna Maness, sex educator and former education and prevention coordinator at The Santa Cruz AIDS Project (SCAP). So, bring in some toys to help you out.
5. Lube Is Always Handy.
Want the ultimate shortcut to getting wet? It's called lube. “Lube creates a velvety texture to reduce friction during penetration,” Matatas says. “Less friction and more silky texture is better for more pleasure and also reduces the chances of pain, discomfort, or injury during penetrative sex.” She suggests getting a good quality water-based or silicone lube to keep by your bedside. (If you’re using lube with sex toys, just make sure you get one that is compatible with the toy’s material. Same goes for using lube with condoms — oil-based products can degrade the effectiveness of the latex barrier.)
There is no shame in using lube whenever you want to. “Using lube is sometimes stigmatized and might come with feelings of shame about your body, but in reality, almost all bodies can benefit from using lube for vaginal and anal sex,” Matatas says. Dry stimulation can be really unpleasant and even painful. So, if you're in a hurry to get things going ASAP, give your body a little helpful hand (yes, pun intended) to kickstart your own lubrication.
That's it, folks. Go forth and get your groove on.
Luna Matatas, sex and pleasure educator
McKenna Maness, sex educator and former education and prevention coordinator at The Santa Cruz AIDS Project (SCAP)
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