How To Be A Good Friend While You're In A Relationship
If you've ever lost a best friend to her new boyfriend, you know how totally irritating and detrimental it can be to your friendship.
Sometimes, people fall in love, and suddenly, they think they invented the damn thing.
In my case, when I entered my (honestly really happy) relationship, I thought, "Wait a second. Maybe I'm the key to all of love's burning questions, and people are just too embarrassed to ask me!"
Then, I went around shouting about how awesome my relationship is and how I can help the dumb, stupid, love-illiterate plebeians of the world.
Spoiler alert: My friends didn't love it. It kind of just made me the worst.
So here's exactly how you can avoid being a total shit friend once you get into a great relationship:
Don't brag about your happiness.
Sure, they're your friends, and they should be happy for you, but that's as far as their friendship duties extend.
Regardless of if they're the sad, single type or if they don't mind flying solo, no one likes to hear how much greener the grass is on the other side of their situation. And by suggesting you are "better off" now than you were when you were in their situation, you are devaluing their current experience.
Plus, everyone gets bored with the same conversations over and over again on topics that they can't relate to or share in. Gabbing about your romance life is harping on something that is personal to you and leaves you monopolizing the conversation and looking selfish.
Save your adorable photos and gross romance stories for your mom — she'll love it. But your BFF Karen? She'll probably hate it.
Don't give them unsolicited love advice.
I can't stress this enough: No matter what situation your friends may be going through, they're just looking for you to say what they want to hear.
It doesn't matter whether you're married, single or newly dating. Everyone just wants to hear, "You're the best and the other person sucks," "Follow your heart" and "Anyone who treats you poorly doesn't want you, hurts your feelings, etc. is the worst."
So unless someone SPECIFICALLY ASKS your opinion, solely for the point of view of someone who is in a happy relationship, avoid anything giving your friends any advice that starts with "well, for me and my boyfriend..."
It's just going to lead to know-it-all type of sentence that's actually really unhelpful.
Don't bring your boo somewhere unless they're invited.
No one likes a clinger or moocher, and your friendship with your gal pals was probably special and unique without your boo-bear being there.
Unless they want him around, or they specifically invite both of you, leave him at home. Don't just assume he's invited to girls brunch by proxy.
Remember, they don't love his company the way you love his company, and it's likely they're just looking for some good, ol' friendship TLC from you.
Don't disappear on them.
This can be really tricky in their early stages of new bliss.
Entering a happy relationship feels, like, REALLY good. You might be tempted to crawl into your new bae's sheets and Netflix and chill until winter is over and emerge a beautiful, power-couple butterfly.
But try, try, try not to start flaking or cancelling on your friends. They were there for you before this relationship, and they will be there during (or after). Plus, putting them on the back burner is just a sucky thing to do.
A good way to combat this is to keep anything you normally do with your girlfriends (special TV shows, brunch spots, etc.) SOLELY FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDS, and find other activities and make new traditions with your boo.
This way, they don't feel like they're missing out or being left behind.
Don't judge them.
Never forget, we all have a heaping pile of rotting, shitty dates behind us. Just because you found something that works for you, doesn't mean your relationship standards are one size fits all.
If your girlfriends are meeting people you would never consider dating, stuck in bad patterns of toxic behaviors or just complaining a lot, remember, each situation is different for everyone, and dating is HARD, damn it.
Be there to listen, do your best to understand and never, ever make them feel bad or less than.
Everyone's Prince or Princess Charming is coming, and you just happen to be lucky enough that yours already arrived!