The Phases Everyone Goes Through When They Hate Their BFF's Boyfriend
Everyone knows your first true love is your best friend.
She is your soulmate — someone you tell everything to (including wtf is up with your romantic partner), and the constant in your life.
"Soulmate love" is grounded, honest and always, while its sister, "Romance love" is much more dreamy and elusive.
So, what do you do when your soulmate has a romantic relationship with a real idiot? Like, you really hate her boyfriend...
Hell if we know!
This is what it's like to ride the emotional roller coaster that is hating your BFF's boyfriend:
Phase 1: Doubt and skepticism.
This is the opening phase to any new relationship your BFF embarks on. It's your job as the bestie to doubt any new man in her life.
Let's make one thing clear: The guy is there to impress you — NOT the other way around.
You can recognize this phase by the following thoughts: "Sure, sure, OK. We'll see how this goes."
"She'll see right through this guy."
"There's no way she's into this moron."
Phase 2: Denial.
Ok... so he's stuck around longer than you thought he would.
She's just blinded by the attention. Soon enough, she'll wake up and realize he's a moronic jerk face who is ruining your (I mean "her") life.
She would never pick someone like this over spending time with you. In this phase, you're certain everything will be justtttt finneee...
Phase 3: Sadness.
This is one of the most volatile and unpredictable stages. You might be wracked with feelings of impossible loneliness, jealousy and sadness while you're at home waiting for her to return from her umpteenth dinner and movie date night.
You'll feel yourself full of longing for the old times, and convince yourself you're mourning the death of someone you used to hold dear.
Hang in there; this phase, too, shall pass.
Phase 4: Anger.
Ah, the most FUN phase.
This is when you start to pick fights with her that have nothing to do with her new boo. Deep down, what you're trying to say is, "I HATE THIS GUY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
Some symptoms of this phase are severe acts of passive-aggressiveness, and an absolute belief and sense of entitlement that their relationship is actually about you.
Phase 5: Persuasion and manipulation.
The key objective here is to remind your BFF why she's better off without him, but to make her think she has come to this realization on her own.
They have to get in a fight eventually, right? This is your opportunity to POUNCE!
Prepare for this phase by making a list of all the reasons she's better off without him, and "as a friend," enlighten her on how she would benefit from ditching him.
Other strategies to persuade and manipulate include planning a girl's night or weekend to get her away from him and back with you, or revisit your old single girl stomping grounds together and get her to flirt with a stranger.
Phase 6: Adjustment.
OK. So he isn't going anywhere. Better make the most of it.
In this phase, you'll find yourself holding faith that if he truly, truly is a loser, your friend will come to her senses or circumstances will force her to.
If not? Maybe there is something inside him that she loves that you can also dig to find out. If he made it this far, hey, maybe he deserves (half) a chance.
Best friends are best friends because they are your soulmates.
Hang in there with her (and with him, UGH), and ride the roller coaster with her until everyone pukes and you all go home, or maybe, just maybe, you start to enjoy the ride, too.